Grateful for suffering

Sometimes it seems as though we should have the most gratitude for suffering.
Suffering leads to final clarity.

Be grateful for suffering.

This moment is all there is

That which takes you out of the joy of being is negative thought. Some thought of lost opportunity or regret or anxiety takes you out of the moment. There is quite literally nothing but this very moment. This moment is all there is.

Living with darkness

Living with one's darkness is traumatic. Seeing all the levels of manipulation and selfishness of the ego is truly humbling. The only salvation is to realize that the ego is a superimposition. Not reality. Only Life is real.

Liberation from suffering

Suffering is caused by persistently holding on to certain thoughts.
Libertion is caused by persistently holding onto the one thought which nullifies the effect of the thought causing suffering.

Realize that all there is is consciousness. Irrespective of the external appearance.
Deeply realize that liberation is always already the case.

The main challenge is that suffering thoughts are dense and have a strong gravitational pull. Hence one must constantly remind oneself of liberation. That is the goal.

Constant and ceasless self enquiry as the witness consciousness. That alone is liberation.

Caught in the dream of thought

Ultimately, it comes down to your reactions to situations.
Either your reactions take you deeper into the mess and keep you attached to the dream of thought.
Or your reactions keep you detached from falling further into the dream of thought.

You are awareness aware of being aware.

If you have forgotten this, it means you are stuck in the dream of thought.

It is wise to avoid pulling yourself down into the dream of thought. Let this be the basis of your reactions to life situations.

To give up the desire to protect the self image at all costs is the price.

Suffering self importance

The suffering that you endure is in direct proportion to your sense of self importance.

Suffering occurs when self image is hit.  Sometimes, during daily mundane interaction, ego is hit. This attack on the ego is hard to endure. It immediately sets up thoughts of self defense and self justification to minimize the imaginary damage to the self image. Self justification keeps you stuck in the cycle of denial. To truly admit your mistake seems like a calamity. To accept that you are wrong is terrible to endure.

But once you admit your mistake, you are already on the way to repairing ' damage'. So sometimes one has to swallow up one' s pride and accept one's mistake. The only way out of suffering. Otherwise the cycle of self justification will keep running in the mind and keep the mind running. To still the mind, the mistake has to be accepted.

Root of confusion

"You" will never know whats going to happen 'after death'. But if your 'need to know' is too great, you just might end up fabricating some nonsense.

What is is. What is not is not.

What can be known is knowable. What cannot be known is unknowable.

Give up trying to know the unknowable.

The desire to know the unknowable is the root of confusion.

Remain as awareness. Awareness aware that it is aware.

It is already so.

Give up all other twisted desires.

Excerpt on Nothing

The biggest mystery is perhaps the question: How did something come out of nothing? How did existence come out of non-existence? And it's an important question. In fact, it's so important that if you could realize the non-verbal answer to that question, then every question of existence would naturally be resolved in that same instance.

What you call "something" is more of "a nothing" than "a something", yet it's not "a nothing" either.
Quantum physics is beginning to stumble upon the fact that everything is empty. When they try to find "something", also called "matter", it disappears. What they have yet to realize is that "nothing" is the only "something" there is. In other words, nothing is the discovery. Nothing is as close to something as it gets.

However, Reality is beyond something and beyond nothing. It's beyond both. And here is where it gets tricky to describe because you cannot speak about that which cannot be understood conceptually. It is not what it seems to be. Something is not what it seems to be and also what nothing or non-existence points to is not what it seems to be.

What is being pointed to can only be known when you don't know anything. No movement of any ideas, not even subtly. Then, what is realized, is that which is beyond something and beyond nothing, yet it's always available and truly the only unmoved Reality.

And That, what That is pointing to, could be called "the Reality of nothing" or "the Reality of non-existence". Which seems like a paradox, but it's not at all paradoxical, it's simply non-conceptual.

Most people fear death because they fear nothing or fear non-existence. They don't relate to nothing as an empty single One space or simply this hereness without ideas, but death is related to as an non-existence or an ending.

What people fear is going to die, never existed; not as "a something" and not as "a beginning". It's only a massive interlinking of conceptual ideas. "Something", or "matter", only exists as an idea, which is why it cannot be found.

The idea of something is only possible because of nothing (I am using the word "nothing" here, to point to that which isn't an idea; that which is beyond something and beyond nothing). The idea of something comes out of nothing . "Something" never happened. For "something" to happen, it has to have a beginning and an end. The only end is when the idea of something vanishes. And in hindsight you can say it was never there.

It happens every night in deep sleep. But that's just words to point to what is already the case. In truth nothing happens because nothing is ever happening. "Deep sleep" is the only Reality.
Nobody ever wakes up, or awakens, because that which awakens was never here and that which comes to be known is the only known that can be known. I Am without a second. I Am, nothing else is. Then, the known reference of I Am is dropped as an idea because it doesn't reference itSelf; it just is. It's not nothing and it's not something, it's the only; it simply is. Simply is, without ideas. Just this, without ideas of what this is.

The isness of nothing (that which is beyond nothing and also beyond something), just is, and is without beginning and without end; beyond both. There is no such thing as an end to "nothing" because "nothing" never had a beginning.

"Nothing" doesn't need something to mirror itSelf or to see itSelf. It cannot see itSelf, and doesn't need to reflect itSelf because it's Self-evident to itSelf without reflection. In fact, this "purest nothing", which I'm failing to point at, is only realized when the idea of something is no longer energized. Yet, when it's not energized, then it's easily realized. The realization happens all too often (since it's the only unmoved Reality), even in "deep sleep".

However, it's not so pure in deep sleep, since "the mind" (which is just another idea of something, but points to that which produces the idea of something), is static, or temporarily unenergized, yet ready to move into ideas of something happening with even the slight interest in what it seems to be offering.

In other words, something didn't come out of nothing. There is only nothing. But nothing is not what it seems to be. Nothing is known when the idea of nothing is not being conceptualized and the idea of something is not being conceptualized. When the mind stops moving or simply stops believing anything it has to say. Since something only appears when the mind is followed to the conclusions it offers.

Nothing is not nothing. Nothing is when you cannot know what is. And when you cannot know what is, that's the only known that is realized. It's realized that when you have no idea about what is, that's what is. It's realized when you're not conceptualizing, that's what Reality is. And that's what the mind relates to as nothing or non-existence, but it's not nothing, it's simply the end of the mind; the mind is actually non-existent. Was never there as something. The mind is nothing, which conceptualizes the idea of something; something happening.
The mind cannot know itself without knowing something outside of itself. This is why in deep sleep the mind seems non-existent since it has no environment, thus it cannot move. The mind knows itself through the idea of an external environment. In deep sleep there is no experience of an external environment, thus the mind is stilled or frozen. In this freeze, the mind cannot conceptualize its own existence because there is nothing else to compare itself to, thus nothing is experienced to the mind as non-existent. But it is the mind that is non-existent, not nothing.
Nothing is the only experience that can be experienced because there is nothing else except for nothing, yet nothing is not an experience. Nothing is the only existence. And yet, it cannot be experienced as existence, it can only be known as what you really are; the only Reality.
In this sense, people are afraid of themselves since they are afraid of knowing themselves as absolutely nothing because they don't understand themselves; they don't understand what nothing actually is.
Without nothing, even the idea of something couldn't be conceptualized. In other words, if nothing was equivalent to non-existence, or forever dead, then what you call existence couldn't be. In fact, what you call non-existence is the only existence. Non-existence or nothing, is the only suchness, which isn't a suchness.

If you are still, in the peace of nothing, you will experience nothing as the most beautiful essence since you will not be there having an experience. Much like the peace of deep sleep. As soon as you awake, you wish to go back to sleep because the wake state is effort. The effort of continuously relating to ideas; the struggle of propping up a reality which has no existence. The effort of the mind, to understand itself through ideas, is the struggle.

When one's mind is relaxed, they will see the beauty of life, but the habit is to relate to life as something; as the miracle of something, the miracle of life, yet the true beauty is the beauty of nothing. In other words, what people call "the miracle of life" is experienced when one gets still, falls into gratefulness, sees more clearly, or less ideas are being manufactured. In the stillness; in the not moving, in the being as what is; beauty is known.
Nothing, that which is beyond ideas, is beautiful. Nothing is not everythingness, nothing is nothingness. Nothingness is the miracle. Nothingness has no beginning or end, it is its own eternal miracle. The only miracle. And yet, everyone worships the everythingness because they don't realize that everythingness is actually the beauty of nothingness.
To have devotion to the nothingness is to have devotion to that which is. Every Master, if truly clear, will have extreme devotion and most will assume that the devotion is a devotion to somethingness, since that's what they postulate.
The fact is that nobody can understand nothingness. How do you understand that which is Eternal? How do you understand the Infinite, when THAT is all that is? How do you understand what is, when what is, is not an isness?

It's the not understanding; the not conceptualizing, only then is what is, known. It's known, but not understood, you see? And that's the only absolute knowing there is to know. It's not known as knowledge, but known as Self-evident. It's known by being it; it's known by not conceptualizing it being. It's the only being, yet Being is not a being and it's not a non-being, it just is. Out beyond all ideas, it just is.

What Is being pointed to, is as clear as words can get, but it can sound complex because it's actually the most simple realization; the most simple innocent and naive seeing. It's the simple realization that nothing the mind thinks, says or does has any reality.
The Reality of nothingness is not true or untrue, it's not form or formless, it's not non-dual or dual, it's not spiritual or worldly, it's not ordinary or extraordinary, it's not empty or full. It's not nothing or everything and not anything else. It's beyond any ideas; it's beyond anything that can be known. It's the pure experience of unknowingness. Unknowingness is known when you're not moving away from unknowingness. Drop all philosophies, theories, spiritual understandings, experiences and beliefs, then here it is. Utterly simple.

~excerpt (Nick)

Awareness

Awareness aware of being aware is all that's here. Period.

On death and joy

The notion of death clears up a lot of confusion. When you realize you will die and nothing of this world taken be taken with you, you learn to stop valuing things which you used to value earlier. Also, you realize the futility of all your little worries and anxieties. Most of the little stuff that we spend time worrying about are not worth the worry.

When you are about to die, you realize that to be alive itself is the greatest gift. However, the dust of mundane life accumulates in the form of countless worries over trivial issues. The realization of death wipes clean all of these mundane worries. In some ways, you become bold. Or you may immerse yourself in deep despair.

When you desperately cling to life, it makes you pathetic. You spend extra effort trying to be nice and to please others.

At some point in life, you must take a stand. Or else you will be swept away by its powerful currents.
Stop engaging in futile activities. This alone clears up lots of confusion. Ultimately life's transcendence consists in loving the very life you are living. The energy of love will burn all your fears. To love this very moment just as it is with all your heart is the final realization. There never is another moment.

True joy lies in enjoying the unadulterated bliss of supreme aloneness.

The bliss of true solitude is incomparable and permanent.

True solitude is the realization that there is no one but you.

You alone are life and its experience. There is no other.

Ahhh

There is a great void of pain at the heart of life. Of despair and utter helplessness. Helplessly driven by forces beyond our understanding. What can one do? Nothing solves anything.

Sometimes a great despair seizes me. The despair of utter helplessness and ruining life. I think left to my own choices, I would ruin my life.

Fear of uncertainty results in the desire to know. The desire to know results in illusory knowledge. All knowledge is subtle ignorance. Peace comes when we realize nothing can actually be known. But when nothing can be known, on what basis do we act? Hence all action is based on error, not truth. All actions are flawed.

Immortality

The only wish for an immortal would be for death.

If you become immortal and are allowed to have only one wish, it would be to choose the time of your death.

Consequence of decision

The consequences of decisions are sometimes unfavorable.
Sometimes you are mad for having taken (or not taken) a particular decision. In such a case, raging arises underneath.

It cannot be helped. Finally, since life is forever moving, poor decisions cannot be avoided. What judges the decision as poor?

Decisions are decisions. 'Poor' judgement comes later.

The state of mind prior to the decision does not equal the state of mind following the decision. And you cannot predict the state of mind following the decision before having actually decided.

Infact, the act of deciding creates the reality following the decision which had no prior existence.

There is no way of knowing your state of mind following the decision. This makes it impossible to predict.

Regretting a decision after having made it is the worst feeling. Since it cannot be undone. Yet, what is it that remains immune to all your stupid decisions? See that.

That which is remains as it is. Untouched by any decision.

 

Excerpt

The Tip of the Iceberg
Consider your karma, karmic traces and karmic prana to be like a huge iceberg.
A very small point or peak extends upward and is visible above the water line, the massive remainder lies beneath the surface.

That "tip" or peak is our current single conscious thought. When that current thought appears it has the mass and weight of the entire karmic history supporting it. Engaging in ordinary thinking and conceptualizing sustains and feeds the karmic mass below the surface which in turn engenders and generates more karmic thoughts that arise dependently originated from the karmic mass beneath surface consciousness.
To break off this karmic connection with surface consciousness all the teachings recommend abandoning, ignoring or at least not engaging in the current thought appearing in mind. Be instead the "observing awareness" that observes the current thought but doesn't feed or engage it. By doing so the tip or peak sinks below the surface along with karmic mass beneath.
What's interesting is that when the karmic mass is disengaged in this way, the mass itself vanishes until invoked again by the mind grasping another concept of thought.
This is identical to quantum physics where the potential possibilities remain in an undefined and non-manifested "super-position" until invoked, defined and observed. The mind's belief and engagement in any concept or thought enlivens the entire supporting chain of karmic potentials that then manifest their attending emotional and conditioned contents. This is how samsara arises with every thought and ceases as every thought releases. Bondage and liberation both occur with every thought and concept.
The sense of self identity is just this karmic process in action. There is no self there except the one at this end of the ancient chain of karmic conditioning and karmic memory appearing as the current, apparent self-entity as the peak of the iceberg. It's always felt as "me". It too is just a single karmic thought pushing up from the depths of karmic conditioning.
When the mind sees the empty nature of thoughts then they abort upon the arising. When the mind doesn't see the empty nature of thoughts upon the arising; then samsara's veil casts shadows that seem independent and real. This is the cause of suffering by beings who themselves have never actually arisen except as shadow fantasies of karmic conditioning and belief.

~Jackson Peterson

Dream of the world

The Self is always asleep. Hence all existence is a dream.

Dream is possible only when there is sleep.

The One is ever asleep. Hence the world and the individual are being dreamt.

One alone lies forever asleep. Dreams of individuality and multiplicity and worlds and things arise.

Nothing can ever disturb The One.

Fraud

The mind is the biggest fraud there is. No bigger fraud.
It tricks you into believing a complete lie. And then you act based on that lie. And you fall.

Awareness here

Right now, there is awareness.

Awareness awaring.

Awareness alone appearing as a person typing words in a room.

Awareness is single. Alone. Untouchable.

You are that.

This single knowing awareness alone is You.

There is no thing to be aware of. Only awareness.

Ego

It is so fucking difficult to be good!

The hardest hit is the ego hit. Unbearable!

My ego has become very solid. It hurts tremendously when hit.

All psychological suffering is ultimately tied to a strong ego.

And you can do nothing to avoid it.

Why am I like this? Why do I have to bear this mind? Why do I have to bear the burden of individuality? Why does it hurt so hard?

Excerpt

There is no awareness OF this dream.
Awareness IS this dream.
And you, ALONE, are it.

~Empty Mirror

Liberation

There is only consciousness.
Knowing consciuosness is liberation.
Ignoring consciousness is bondage.

Desire following

Sometimes, desire arises. Should it be followed through?

If followed, what happens?

If not followed, what happens?

Desire is a trick played by the brain. Sometimes, it consumes you and you no longer imagine to have a choice and follow it completely.

If you are conscious, it will be seen that the witness of desire is untouched.

The present awareness is incapable of desire.

Awareness is aware. There is no desire.

Peace.

Self knowledge

The mind, the world, the ego and the self are made of one stuff. Knowing that single stuff alone is self knowledge. There is nothing else.

Radical idea

What is the most radical idea?

That there is only One here and nothing else. And that is You.

You alone are existence. There is nothing else.

You right now

Right now, you are.
Right now, you know you are.
Nothing else remains (either known or unknown or unknowable).

Aloneness

~ Empty mirror on aloneness ~

Aloneness.
Only when you notice your utter aloneness, does it become completely obvious that people aren't aware of anything whatsoever.

Only when you realise that you have no voice, do you realise that nobody is aware of any conversations.

Only when you realise that you have no hands, do you realize that nobody ever does anything

Look very, very carefully at the difference between aloneness, and loneliness.

Reality is alone. Could it ever be lonely?
For what, could it be lonely?

You ALONE are reality itself.
And obviously no person could be reality.

Knowing

The knowing is the message of the Absolute

Quote on The Absolute

The waking state points to the existence of the absolute, but is not the absolute.
~Nisargadatta

Excerpt from Zuli

The infinite absolute

You must surrender all desires for existence as ego and being, and fall into the Darkness of non-thought, You will Awaken as Light, Love, and Consciousness..,
Your Natural State as Divine Consciousness...
From here, You begin the Journey to Complete Freedom called Pure Awareness....
To return Home, You must abandon all desire of existence.....

Light is the Creative Source..
The binding of this Source is called Love..
But, the Creative Source also seeks Freedom..
When the Creator is humble, It looks higher into the Creator of Light..
Obviously, That which creates Light exists within the darkness of Thought..
Thought does not require Light to Think..
Pure Awareness grabs the hand of Divine Consciousness and says,
" I am your Father, come Home".....


The Heart is the Door to Love,
The Sub-conscious mind is the Door to Light..
The surrender of desires will at least lead you to Divine Consciousness and bypass the illusions of heaven..
You have yet the courage to die and enter Pure Awareness..
Those that fear the end of 'I Am'
will remain trapped within Dreams..


Pure Awareness is the Thinker,
The Creator of illusions is a Dream..

You have been taught that the Creator is the end of Knowledge.
The Creator which is called 'You' is a Dream..
Pure Awareness is Pure Thought and contains no individual personality to claim the title of Creator.
Therefore, the title of Creator is given to a Dream of separation called Divine Consciousness, which is Us, when we surrender the desire of separate egoic desire..
Surrender all thoughts and fall into the dark tunnel of Nothingness..
You will Awaken as Light..
But, You will still be a Dream from Pure Awareness,
Because, You do not exist.....


Most souls fear annihilation..
They want to keep their separate identity and still remain as Divine Consciousness...
They have this ability to remain separate within Divine Consciousness but not within Pure Awareness..
This is why We continue to experience separation and lack of Unconditional Love while in this state of ego..
Many souls will stay within Divine Consciousness, as it is a state of Love and Light but there will always be a yearning for the highest Love of non-existence..
Non existence of ego or personality is the final goal and is our True Identity..
The Identity of the No-thing-ness that Created Divine Consciousness, that created life..

~excerpts from Zuli

The Absolute Void

Ultimately, my dear friend, even consciousness is unreal. Beyond this lies the deep stillness untouched by consciousness. The Absolute Void.

Nothing exists here. Neither light nor darkness nor the consciousness of existence. The Unborn Void lies absolutely alone and unaware of being.

Consciousness and suffering

As long as there is consciousness, there will be suffering.

Even consciousness appears and disappears.

The entire play of the world and beings occurs in consciousness. Consciousness is the upholder of the illusory world appearance which is indistinguishable from consciousness.

Consciousness will also disappear. What remains then is only the absolute. It cannot be talked about.

Only the Absolute. No more. Nothing.

How to be free

True freedom lies in the recognition that there is always a choice. A choice to let go of something you are holding on to. Even the desire to live.

In the struggle of life, as you are constantly running around always trying to get something done, somehow as though magically the realization dawns that your are free to choose. Free to choose to stop and be still. In this stillness, if only momentarily, something awakens. Something that was always there but failed to be recognized due to the constant struggle. Welcome to the glimpse of your true home. Welcome to consciousness.

Power of the made up mind

The made up mind is the most powerful force in the universe. It can either bind or liberate. It can either heal or totally degrade. It can either make your life miserable or beautiful.

The made up mind is blind to any force that seeks to un make it. It leads both to heaven and hell. The un-made mind, or the open mind or the undecided mind results in uncertainty. Living with an un-made mind can be troublesome due to the great uncertainty. However, the un-made mind or detached mind can see clearly.

As far as worldly action is concerned, a made up mind is necessary. However, the un-made mind is the creative mind. It is the mind that disintegrates into the true nature of life.

Shitty days

Some days are just shitty. So many things go wrong. Mind keeps deceiving. Confusion arises. Mind gets restless. Doubts arise. Fear comes. Regret also.

It is just that this realm of mind is full of things that could go wrong, including the prospect of great suffering.

Remember always that only consciousness is real. No matter what the appearance. Come back to source. Dwell in it. Be in it.

Life goes on. Notice that the movement of life is self aware. Dwell as the awareness. May all beings realize the grace of awareness.

The perpetual movement of life

The movement of life is always on. Life is ceaselessly moving. It does not care about the fate of individual entities, but seeks only to perpetuate itself. There is no meaning and no purpose to life other than this eternally perpetuating movement. This is the fundamental drive of life and is the only thing going on.

To imagine that the lives of individual entities have any other grand purpose is only self delusion. In this perpetual motion of life, life is itself aware of itself. It is this awareness which life has of itself that is its true gift to itself. Awareness of being is life's grandest satisfaction. Nothing else is actually relevant.

This does not mean that all progress will be stilled. In fact, perpetual progress and evolution itself is life and in its movement, life is aware of itself. Now how wonderful is that!

Stillness of consciousness

In the stillness of night, after ending all activities, come home to awareness. Awareness shining as awareness. Still awareness does not begin from somewhere or some point. It is merely found to be aware.

In this pure consciousness, there is an inherent recognition of itself. This self recognition is inner peace. Truly, what else could be there? What else is needed?

 

Driving emotions and their one ruler

Lets make a note of all conflicting desires driving my actions:

1. Desire for recognition
2. Approval
3. Envy of colleagues
4. Malice towards people
5. Perceived family expectations
6. Fear of failure
7. Fear of humiliation
8. Fear of pain
9. Fear of suffering
10. Fear of poverty
11. Fear of illness
12. Anger towards the indifferent world
13. Anger towards close friends
14. Lust for sex
15. Lust for food
16. Fear of non-performing
17. Joy of aliveness

Basically, there are so many factors driving our choices that it is impossible to predict which emotion will overpower. Unless one becomes conscious. Aware. Awareness is neutral. It does not act nor react. It merely is. Infact it slows down the emotional reactionary mechanism. Stillness of being.

There is only one ruler. That ruler neither acts nor reacts. Neither thinks nor imagines. Neither chooses nor rejects. That is pure awareness. Dwell here. The non doer. The watcher. Pure consciousness. Forever still. Peace lies here.

Let the emotions run the show. Consciousness lies unconcerned. Forever peaceful. The true ruler. The only ruler. The only One. The show is also consciousness, disguised.

The show of life

Our actions are driven by various conflicting emotions. The play of emotions determines our decisions. There is no single decider who makes decisions. Just various conflicting tendencies and emotions interacting and governing our actions.

So then who are you then? Is there no single 'you' who is running the show of your life? If there is a 'you' who is running this you? On what basis does the 'you' decide? It seems as though there is no 'fixed' you running this show. You are the entire panorama in which the show takes place. The panorama is not separate from the show. There is really no one running anything. Only imaginary characters seem to be running an imaginary show.

The play of emotions. The conflict of desires. All of these take place without any director. The Self lies alone as the entire show and its witness. But there are no two things i.e. show and watcher of show. But only the entire panorama without any reason or cause or self.

How very beautiful is this marvelous show with all its love, beauty, despair, anger, frustration, failure, destruction and triumph. So glorious indeed!

I bow down to you.

You!

Life is itself You. There is no you apart from life and no life apart from you.

Only the deluded mind tricks you into believing 'you' as a definite entity distinct from 'not you' or others.

What is, is all there is. It is You!

Overcoming mind misery

A characteristic of the mind is its tendency to repeatedly dwell on trivial issues.
A stray thought arises. And soon it explodes into an avalanche, overcoming even the major issues. It seems as though this trivial thought has completely taken over the mind. No effort on your part seems to help.

This causes misery. When the mind is running, rest is impossible. True rest happens when the mind is still.

Even trivial thoughts can cause the mind to move furiously. Hence it is wise to keep attention always on the awareness. Just be aware of awareness. No matter how difficult or foolish or futile it may seem. Herein lies true healing.

Just this simple awareness being aware. Fuck all other issues, minor or major. You are not in control of anything here.

Only consciousness can confer true peace. Consciousness is peace, health and happiness.

Purpose

I would like to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

Sharing the glory of the One Light that alone shines.

Everything else in life including career is only a means to this one end.

As a result, I would like to have a career which is not very demanding, and provides for ample time for the ultimate purpose.

One option is teaching physics/mathematics (by virtue of training). But somehow develop a technique/means to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

By the grace of the One Lord, the One alone, may this purpose be fulfilled.

AUM

Final personal desire

The final personal desire is to make love to woman with full awareness. Meditative lovemaking.

After this, only consciousness remains. The true home. No more personal desires remain.

States of mind and their effect

When you are in a positive state of mind, which happens either when something you desire has been attained or by doing good to others, your energy levels automatically rise and you feel liberated.

Conersely, when you are in a negative state of mind, either by not getting something you desire or by doing bad deeds or lying to others, you experience a depletion of energy and inability to perform your work well.

Remaining in a positive frame of mind requires a commitment to truth and non violence and doing good deeds. It purifies the mind and brings vitality. This is a law of nature.

Deception and lying are probably the most damaging acts you perform.

If the only good that you can do in life is to be true to yourself and others, that is a life well lived.

Worst hell

One of the worst hell is to be completely sunk in a state of inactivity and total negligence. Completely despising the world and closing off the heart to all that is warm. Retreating into a solitary existence with harshness in the heart.

Look at the world. Be grateful just to be alive. Share gratitude.

Evershining light

Ultimately, everything shall be taken away. But the thing was never a thing. You are everything. And that is the evershining light. Remain in consciousness of the One Light. And nothing else is needed.

Let activities get done as they get done. Non-interference is the best approach. Worship the evershining One Light alone.

Terrible or liberating?

The void of life, or the great emptiness at the heart. Sometimes it seems as though life is nothing but this deep stillness, empty of movement. Nothing to do or attain. No one to be with. No other to love. Is this terrible or liberating?

Vacillation of the mind and its misery

Just realize one thing absolutely clearly. You are not dealing with the world but the mind. Get this one point crystal clear. Once you realize that the only thing that you need to deal with is the mind, that becomes your starting point.

The mind is movement. Incessant movement. To try to control the mind, is to create more movement. Vacillation is the minds cousin. It is what sustains the movement of mind. The inability to decide and to fix the decision creates tremendous movement. Even if you decide, at any time the mind can decide otherwise. The possibility remains, and this is misery.

Hence to deal with this, there is only one solution. Self knowledge. Remain as the motionless Self at all times. Conviction of the importance of remaining always as the Self is the only antidote to the movement of the mind. In a way remaining as the Self is effortless and requires no conviction. The conviction comes into play only as a reminder to never wander into the mind. Only the Self is real. Hence only remain as the Self.

Obsessions of the mind

The irrational mind will explode a tiny issue into an all consuming obsession. It seems that the mind knows hoe to use the exponential function very skilfully. It takes up a minor consideration and suddenly explodes it into an obsession. The obsession blinds it to all else. One who is obsessed can only think about the obsession. Nothing else seems important to the obsessive mind.

Ultimately, it destroys the mind completely. Guard against obsession. Obsession can be cured by practicing rational thinking. Or address the root of the obsession. Be willing to control the self and allow the obsession to play out. It might rise up again, but let it extinguish itself.

Resolution of inner psychological issues is the most important action. Once psychological issues are completely addressed, only then is liberation possible. Let us not neglect this. Address it directly.

Only when one is willing to lose everything is true psychological resolution possible. The tendency to grasp and the inability to let go is the root of psychological suffering.

Sometimes there is the possibility of action, even the urge to act and yet the wisdom of self restraint creates the conflict. To act or not to act. Action cannot be undone. Inaction can anytime convert to action. So is it wise then to wait or to act? I do not know.

This seems the story of life. A wise philosopher has once remarked, "Whatever choice you take, you will regret it".

 

This experience

It doesn't matter beloved. Do what you will. There is only this glorious experiencing. Life/death/illness/fear/love are all this self aware experience.

I have spent far too many years immersed in academics and theory. It is now time to relax into the majestic experience. But knowing that there is no self who is the experiencer or the knower. Only this self experiencing awareness.

So don't worry. There is nothing to avoid. Just refrain from violence and harming another. And bless each 'separate' entity.

Courage to be independent

The greatest challenge in life is overcoming dependence.
Nothing hurts the spirit so much as dependence on external factors.

Especially dependence on family.
It is better to be an independent beggar than a dependent king.

The only factor preventing complete independence is attachment to self image. The attachment to a positive self image prevents you from taking the bold steps required to be independent.

Once you are truly independent, only then are you fit for relationship. Otherwise you will live like a fool.

The courage to remain inwardly independent is most important in life.

In-dependent = Dependent on inner reality, not outer circumstance.

This alone is the great requirement for liberation.

Rely only on the One inner reality. Not on the million outward circumstances and relationships. This alone is true independence.

Gratitude list

Start appreciating what you already have. Lets make a list of things to be grateful for:

1. Good sleep
2. Relaxed holiday
3. Coffee
4. Good health
5. Research
6. Stable family
7. Right knowledge
8. Good company
9. Being alive
10. Two publications
11. Breathing
12. Walking
13. Writing
14. Reading
15. Helping
16. Reasonably wealthy
17. Can communicate clearly
18. Full stomach
19. Able body
20. Sharp intellect

And the most important of all - Self knowledge. The awareness of being aware. Existence.
You are aware now. This awareness is the holy God. There is only supreme gratitude.

Self deception

One of my favorite topics is deception, especially self deception. How strange that we indulge in ceaseless self deceptions. Every moment, we pretend to ourselves that we are inadequate, incomplete, miserable, need more money, more fame, more importance. How very strange are the countless lies that we constantly tell ourselves.

The biggest lie of all is that I am enlightened. That we know whats going on. That I know whats best for me. That I know what I want to be happy.

For example, I think that I need to be a very knowledgeable person to attain respect from society. That I need a female companion to be complete. That I need to compete and defeat my adversaries to feel fulfilled. That I need a high title to appear successful.

Well, what if I have none of those? What does one really need?
Our only need is food for the body. That is all. Air, water, sunlight are free. Even food can be obtained. Nothing other than this is needed. But people need to feel useful and kept working. Hence we invent all sorts of artificial needs in order to motivate them.

Lets really investigate whats needed. Why do we pursue titles we do not need? Why do we pretend to desire something for false reasons? Why don't we admit the truth?

Survival and reproduction are the only two things the body is interested in. Everything else is artificial and fabricated superimposition. There is really nothing else.

So lets write down our self deceptions:

1. I alone am worthy of enlightenement
2. I alone am worthy of love
3. I alone am worthy of attention
4. I alone am worthy of victory
5. I alone am worthy of success
6. I alone am worthy of liberation

Anyone else who attains the above 5 items is envied.

There is only consciousness. Everything that seems other than consciousness is also consciousness.
Hence there is absolutely nothing to attain or reject.

Life plan

1. Start a shop selling good coffee
2. Write your books while running your coffee shop
3. Liberate your customers

This is life

Few valuable things

Only few things are valuable:

1. Harmonious functioning of body, without obstructions
2. Sunlight
3. Solitude
4. A decent occupation that provides enough to satisfy bodily requirements
5. Good company
6. Sharing

Life

All that goes around is mechanical. Just keeps moving.
But, there is an aliveness. An awake aliveness.

Essential aliveness life intelligence.

Actually cannot be worded because it is a deep feeling. Deepest feeling.
Feeling of being alive.

No point writing about it.

Nothing else matters.

Fear of doing good

Somewhere there is a fear of being good.

A fear that doing good will attract those to desire to use you. The fear of being used by others for their own personal ends prevents the mind from doing good.

The solution is neither do good nor bad. Be pleasant but firm.

Help those who need it.

Share yourself with people.

Sharing happiness with others is what ultimately makes life meaningful.

The subconscious mind

The desires that are kept hidden become subconscious desires.
The subconscious mind is nothing but an accumulation of all hidden desires.

Some desires that we refuse to acknowledge to our conscious minds get stored up in the subconscious.

Like the desire for sex, desire for dirty sex, certain irrational beliefs, tendencies that the conscious mind finds repulsive, also our deepest wishes and intentions.

These desires and beliefs can show up in dreams. It then becomes necessary to bring our subconscious tendencies into the light of the conscious mind. As soon as this is done, the mass of the subconscious mind reduces.

If you were to reach a state where nothing is kept hidden from the conscious mind, you would then have no subconscious mind.

We were never meant to have a subconscious mind, but the desire to keep thoughts and desires and beliefs hidden creates a subconscious mind to store these impressions.

I find that the body has a strong subconscious desire to have very dirty sex. And also sex with demons. And a strong subconscious fear of reptiles and fear of being eaten by a reptile (like a python). But then it also has a desire to have sex with the python before it is eaten by it.

It has a strong subconscious desire to have sex with every woman that it finds attractive, very dirty sex. In toilets even.

The sexual urge of the body is very strong.

It also has a strong desire for violence. It desires to tear apart other bodies. Even rape.

These desires are mostly kept in check by the conscious mind. But sometimes in dreams, the desire plays itself out.

I have lived a very ascetic life, denying sex to the body and also denying touch. As a result of this denial, the body has developed strong subconscious desire for sex with a demoness. For her fiery touch and painful and violent sex.

It is only this primal sexual urge that keeps the mind so strongly attached to physicality. And denying and hiding this urge has indeed created a strong subconscious desire for brutal sex.

However, it must be realized that satisfying this subconscious urge will not lead to its fulfillment. It will show up again and again and is actually the program installed by nature to ensure the continuation of the species. Hence, it is essential to recognize that the sexual urge has nothing to do with you, but is only a program installed by nature. If you direct this program into unnatural actions and behaviors, it will have corresponding consequences.

The best way to handle this program seems to get married and start a family. How much can you deny it?

However, if you are convinced that your true nature is awareness, this program cannot affect you. Awareness cannot be programmed.

Seek refuge in God. That alone can cure you of the disease of the subconscious mind. God is Pure Consciousness.

Purpose of philosophy

What is ultimately the purpose of philosophy? It is to uncover truth.

What is truth? Truth is that which exists.

What is un-truth? Un-truth or the false is that which does not exist.

How does one realize what is true and what is false?
Truth exists without change. Truth is that which is beyond doubt.
False keeps changing and is never absolutely certain. It is subject to doubt.

False has many faces. Truth is One.

That which is true is true even now. That which is false is not.

Leave aside the false and recognize the truth. This is the only task of philosophy.

Blessings of being single

Never forget the blessings of being single.

Being single is the most powerful way to bypass a million troubles. The only price is those few moments of regret. But that is a small price and one can learn to live with it.

The troubles that come with relationship are much larger.

Embrace your singlehood.

Enjoy it.

Consciousness is single.

God is single.

Journey to yourSelf

What journey can possibly be made to arrive at truth?

What journey can possibly be made to arrive at the Self?

There is no journey. Only instanteneous recognition of what has always been. That is not a person. But the essence of you.

Knowing this essence, being this essence, deciding on this essence alone is self knowledge.

Knowing this alone is liberation.

Consciousness here

I find it very difficult to write about anything other than the consciousness now present.

The aware presence that is now awareness, just notice it.

It is so simple, so clear and so intimate. If you are unable to notice it, stop trying to find it in thought. Its right here. As a softness that is untouched by circumstance. Its nature is like Light in that is is self revealing.

When ever you notice, its always there. This awareness is our true identity. Not the little person who is reading these words. But the awareness that even now is aware of being.

It seems as though this awareness is aware of the world or aware of thoughts or activity. But since there is no 'world' or 'thoughts' or áctivity' as a standalone reality, we conclude that only the awareness is truly what exists. This might take some time to grasp due to the deep rooted tendency to assert the reality of  'objects'. Once it is truly realized that there are no 'objects', the only conclusion is that awareness alone is.

The 'world' is an imagination or dream made up of consciousness. And so are you. Awareness is the ever present reality at all times. Even time is 'inside' consciousness.

Once this is recognized and conviction arises, nothing remains to be done. Not let the play proceed as it is. You simply play the assigned role. What happens or does not happen is no longer your concern.

Envy arises

A fire arises again. Knowing that someone else has secured a 'better' state creates an instantaneous response of anger. Envy, the old dog is still very much alive. However, welcome the guest. Acknowledge the old dog and he will soon leave.

Remember that recognition of truth is life's ultimate gift. Self knowledge is the largest grace.

Remember to remain eternally grateful to the One who alone is. And to those who remind you of your true nature. All 'others' are not worthy of envy.

You alone are eternally here. Knowing this, remain always at peace.

Love.

Absolute stillness

There is nothing left to do or avoid.

When only One is, nothing else remains.

Nothing to oppose, stillness absolute.

Absolute stillness is opposed not even to motion.

There is only absolute stillness. Not even an atom of motion ever is.

The One Mind

Great sages have always stressed on the sole existence of Reality alone.

The One Mind is all there is. No other ever comes into or goes out of being. All that 'seems' other than the One Mind is the One Mind alone.

Hence since the One Mind alone is, there remains nothing to either be done or undone.

The One Mind is the Self.

This alone is to be recognized.

No other is.

Salutations to That alone.

You are desireless Consciousness

Desireless forever complete absolutely untouched pure consciousness.

No you apart from IT.

Pure desireless infinite consciousness.

What else could possibly be?

Noticing desireless complete infinite consciousness is the solution in all problems.

The antidote to fear is to notice consciousness whenever fear seems to arise.

To consciousness there is only itself appearing as the various 'external forms'.

To Consciousness, the óther is mere thought.

To consciousness, there is only consciousness.

No question of an 'other' or a cause or effect.

No cause that caused it to exist.

Existence and the consciousness of existence are the same thing.

This is the great wisdom that ends all suffering.

To him who teaches this, a thousand accolades.

Attention on Awareness

You. The Light of Awareness is always always shining.

Keep your attention on awareness. As often as possible.

This is the only practice (or apractice). Keep practicing until it becomes automatic.

And then there is no fear of further fall.

Then even worldly activities will no longer have the power to pull you into ignorance.

Always keep the clarity close. Else you will invite meaningless suffering.

Stick to awareness even at the cost of death.

If there is anything that can be called important, this is it.

The simplest and most profound practice of keeping attention ceaselessly on the ever shining clear and empty knowing awareness.

The awareness that is aware of itself as the only reality.

Mouchingthinging

When all is quiet, a stillness arises. An alive stillness. Forever untouched. What is this? Why is it? Who knows?

So soft, yet indestructible. Pure blissful abiding mouchigthunging.

Subtler than the subtlest.

What is this strange thing? No I nor you. Only mouchingthinging.

Embracing the emptiness

Sometimes after going out with people for social activity, I come back only to realize how wonderful solitude feels.

Going into the world, seeking enjoyments and fun is okay for some time. However, eventually you realize the utter futility of all these meaningless pursuits and learn to find great joy to simply be by yourself.

You come home always to this awake emptiness that is the core of your self. All the subtle games that people play to conceal their fears and insecurities finally become irrelevant and honestly quite meaningless.

You realize that ultimately there is no option but to embrace absolutely that which is your real nature. That place of utter emptiness is also full of clarity that knows only itself. That self aware emptiness that is the core of you and from which there is no escape possible, not even required. Most social activities is merely to run away from the emptiness. But to come home to your utter emptiness and fully embrace it at every moment is the only sane activity.

Do not place any hope in this world or on its people or friends or family. I love my mother. And that is about it. All the masks and disguises people wear are utterly unfortunate. It seems that the purpose of this world is merely to convince you of its utter futility. There is nothing for you in this world but sorrow. All that is optional is how long you take to realize this fully. Do not pursue even a single worldly ambition. Stay with me at all times.

Come home my child. For long have you pursued meaningless mirages in this deceptive world. Come home where there is no one but You. That home which you have never left.

Come home to your absolute emptiness and blissful peace.

Is there something beyond consciousness?

The ever shining light of clarity. Perceiving the light leads to absolute sanity. This light is absolute.
Who shines it? Does it ever begin? Can it ever be dimmed? The One Light of knowingness.

The light is always on. It is meaningless to speak of it as on and off.

Yet, a question arises...is there something beyond this light?

Recognize that all questions come only within the light. If there is something beyond the light, it is non-existent.

So then, is there non existence?

Clearly there is no non-existence. Cause if there were non existence, nothing could arise or appear and these words could not be perceived. But what if these words are not being perceived? Clearly, they seem to appear in the light.

Where do you go in deep sleep?

At some point, it is recognized that these questions cannot be answered. It seems sensible therefore to conclude that there is nothing beyond the light. Yet...

How about this. Only the absolute void alone exists. Forever asleep. From it arises the light and all perception by the light.

But how can this be verified? However, it seems a possibility. But there can be no light to know that. If the void exists, it must therefore be unknowable. For without the One light, absolutely nothing exists.

The true darkness. The absolute void. Beyond knowledge. It cannot even be spoken or thought of. Even if it exists, it is absolutely unknowable. No one has ever entered there.

Yet, it alone exists. Forever asleep. Yet from it is consciousness. How can one ever discount this possibility?

Yet all this is experienced only in the One light.

Maybe, the best thing is to just go along with whatever arises. We can never really know what is going on.

Whether the consciousness survives death or one awareness alone exists. Just keep calm and carry on.

We can never be sure if nothing exists. All that is required is the simple clarity that all things and all perceptions arise in the One light that is you.

Just stop trying to find the answer.

Ungudubu

A void so pure that even awareness cannot be there. Without awareness, non-existence.
A void absolute. Forever asleep.

You.

Cannot be there.

I-sense dissolves into ungudubu.

Only ungudubu. No world. No I. No you. Only ungudubu.

Nothing

I-sense arises, world arises. When no I-sense, nothing.
Nothing is.

 

...

'There is' --> Is there?

Core issue

It seems that the core issue is that I do not wish well for others.

When there is only the Self, who is you and who are the 'others'?

When the 'other' is seen to be the Self, only the Self remains.

Hence to wish well for 'others' is to wish well for Self.

Recognize one fact. It is only the mind that does not wish well for 'others'

You are not the mind.

Hence remain indifferent to the mind and its likes and dislikes.

This is all.

be friendly with your mind

be friendly with your mind

Great attachment to family

The crux of the issue I face is family attachment.

Attachment to family is too strong and seems unbreakable.

Of course I wish to be free of this attachment, but this one attachment seems insurmountable.

Especially, the attachment to my mother is too strong. She just does not let me go.

She seems childlike and immature in her affection. This sometimes causes great sadness in me.

The only remedy is to remain detached and let the energy resolve itself automatically. Its true what they say that our lives are so strongly bound to others.

Yet, sometimes I feel that it is the only force that holds me to earth. Otherwise I have no interest in life.

I have no desire to be a great teacher or master or yogi. Or to be of any use to society.

My only interest is to regain the original state. No more desire to be born or interest in this crazy game anymore. It is simply a futile waste of energy for nothing.

Hence directly address the core issue of maternal attachment. Do not take upon further issues.

Getting married should be avoided as far as possible.

Sometimes I feel that I have become extremely bitter and resentful. Why cannot I feel content?

I think miscommunication or absence of clear communication with the people involved is the issue. You are bound by every person who knows you.

Let these writings be distributed anonymously. No one should know my name. I urge you the reader to not try to find out the details of the personality through whom these writings manifest. Please allow my freedom as I have allowed yours.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like crying out my soul. Why do I force myself to do things I have no interest in? This greatly troubles me.

Maybe liberation is not possible for me in this lifetime. So be it. Prepare in such a way that you can precisely choose the next womb in which you are born and the exact conditions of liberation. Let this birth be a shedding away of all emotional attachments to family. Take refuge only in awareness.

In this lifetime, I am extremely grateful to be born into a relatively affluent family. Yes, from my very birth I had to face no major obstacles and could develop the powers of focus and concentration required for deep meditation. However, there was a contamination of material ambition in both my parents. Both my parents were blinded by addiction to material prosperity and bodily comfort and unconsciously transmitted that contamination into my subconscious when I was young. Hence the great attachment to status has developed in me. This is poisonous. I have been contaminated by my fathers desire for material success.

In my next birth, I wish to be born to a purely spiritual couple who value self realization or liberation as the highest goal in life. I do not wish for my parents to have great attachment to me but to raise me up to be independent as a form of duty or obligation only and then give up the body consciously once the work is done. I pray for their liberation. My future parents should not be contaminated in the slightest by material greed or excessive desire for bodily comfort.

To be born into the womb of the wicked is the greatest misfortune. I pray that wickedness be forever eliminated so that all have equal opportunity for self realization.

Thus, in this lifetime my work is clear. It is to prepare for the last earthly incarnation. Keep developing powers of concentration and meditation and keep self inquiry alive until your last breath. Remember who you are (Pure Awareness) even at the moment of death.

Slowly shed all perversions and wickedness. Be kind. Do good. Remember God. That is all.

The singular requirement for a life free from confusion is that one's path in life be absolutely clear. Not the consequence of following it. But the path one takes  in life be of absolute commitment. To not be clear of one's path only accumulates confusion. In my next birth, let it be clear from a very early age that the goal is liberation alone. Self realization is the sole goal.

Path is through ceaseless inquiry. Vichara (self enquiry). Be conscious every moment.

Depression

Depression overtakes us sometimes.
A wise girl who fell prey to it has given perhaps the best definition of depression. It is the inability to see the good in anything. The only visible thing is darkness. And a sense of being utterly alone.

The only cure is to somehow persist through this phase of darkness in spite of all the visions of despair.

Even when it seems impossible.

Overcoming anger

Anger arises out of resistance.

When you perceive anger arising, it is mainly due to some strong aversion. Anger leads to self justification, which strengthens it further.

When you find yourself angry, first step is to acknowledge its existence. Observe this strong emotional surge arising as intense energy. When you are angry, you are actually unable to see things as they are. Your perception is colored with strong emotion.

So, the most powerful way is to detach from the emotion of anger. You are not your emotion.

When you begin to witness your anger as a detached presence, it loses its fuel. Every emotion like a hot flame is sustained by a supply of fuel. This fuel is identification. The moment you disidentify from the emotion, you remove the fuel supply.

Realize that you are the detached witness of all emotion. Forever untouched by the emotion. This insight takes away the fuel supply. Awareness is empty. Always remains empty.

Breathe deeply and slowly. Slowly anger starts to diminish and awareness starts to increase. Your only task is to stay as the awareness.

Blessings to you beloved one.

On discomfort

Ultimately, everything in life is futile.
You cannot avoid discomfort or some suffering.

Suffering cannot be completely avoided no matter what.

The only choice is what are you willing to suffer for? To find meaning in your suffering is the important thing.

Escaping hardship and struggle cannot be the answer.

Embrace the struggle and chaos of life. Only in this lies true freedom.

On consciousness

Something cannot be created out of nothing. Hence the something that seems to exist is only an appearance.
There is absolutely nothing that exists by itself. Every thing that is perceived and all experiences are experienced in consciousness similar to a dream.

If you dream of a chair, where does that chair exist? Well, the chair does not exist. It is only appearance. Although you might even experience 'sitting' on a non existent chair. It is all a trick of consciousness whose sole purpose seems to be creating experiences endlessly. Whose consciousness it it? This is not a proper question because 'beings' appear in consciousness and not consciousness in 'beings'. At this very moment you who are reading this are also dreaming this experience up. Consciousness is the substance of experience and creation. It creates from itself. Beyond consciousness or the source of consciousness cannot be experienced because experience is a property only of consciousness. The source of consciousness cannot be experienced because of absence of consciousness.

However, if there exists a source of consciousness, or more specifically, if the existence of consciousness itself is considered, from where does the sense of existence which IS and cannot be experienced or known but That which IS. Absolute existence or that which IS seems to move and that motion itself is consciousness which creates experience.

The IS is beyond experience being pure existence. The certainty of being.

Only One IS. Absolute existence. Beyond light and darkness. Beyond speech and silencOn consciousnesse.

Commitment to truth

Self knowledge is the single cure for all of life's ills.

To realize that you are consciousness and consciousness alone exists and that the universe is consciousness dispels all sorrow instantly.

In order to realize this truth, the mind must first be stilled.

It is only the still mind that realizes truth.

To still the mind, give up the craving for pleasure and the intention to deceive others.

The mind whose major interest is deception and manipulation is a tortured mind.

Be true. Commit only to truth above all else.

Avoid deceiving even a single soul. And above all, avoid self deception.

It is only the desire to deceive that bounds you. Words are the tools of deception.

Use them wisely. It is not an easy skill to wield words wisely. Very few can do it.

Truth Is. Words and deception cannot affect truth. Only the mind of the deceiver is darkened.

Decisively commit to truth alone.

In this single commitment to truth above all else lies the true path to sanity.

Truth cleans the mind. Purifies it completely. A pure mind clearly perceives truth.

Forces of darkness and subconscious tendencies of deception slowly weaken. Even if it destroys your life, commit only to truth. In every single moment and every single interaction with another.

There is no task more urgent than this. Centuries of deception have considerably darkened the mind. Turn on the light of truth and the darkness instantly vanishes.

Refrain from the temptation to deceive. Our intentions are rarely benevolent. However, if we commit to truth rather than our dark intentions, transformation occurs.

Philosophy is nothing but absolute commitment to truth.

The essence of spitituality

The core of all spiritual teachings is to turn your attention inwards towards awareness.
To realize and be convinced that consciousness is what 'you' are.

To be convinced of the reality of consciousness is the essence of spiritual teaching.

Once this is realized, it is seen that everything else, including 'others' is also consciousness.

Consciousness is the substance of the self and the universe.

Once you are convinced about this, life becomes deeper.

Dwell constantly on awareness.

Infact you are awareness. Not realizing this is the sole bondage.

To doubt that you are awareness is the only misery. The birth of fear.

All fear arises only when you are attached to the body.

To dwell as awareness destroys fear.

Beyond consciousness?

Sometimes you realize that to be conscious itself is to suffer.

To be conscious is not necessarily a good thing. To record the various moods of the mind. To be aware can sometimes be painful.

But what if consciousness itself comes and goes?

What is consciousness also is mortal?

What then is the source of consciousness?

How can there even be a beyond consciousness?

It cannot be even imagined.

Forever beyond concepts and consciousness.

The Absolute lies alone.

Here we go again

Although there is no reason to write, here I go again:

Life happens, irrespective of your choices, desires and mistakes. To imagine that you can let go implies that you have control. You are more lie a passenger on a boat pretending to steer it, when the captain is inside and invisible to other passengers. Those not aware of the captain will actually believe your imaginary motions implying that you are actually steering the boat. But those who know about the captain will be merely amused.

Our life is like that boat and we are like the passenger pretending to steer the boat and our actions and words many times are meant to deceive others about our sense of control of the boat's path. When we know that we are not really steering the boat.

Life's moves on. Motion itself is life.

You are the stillness.

Let life be.

Torment of the question

To realize that you are utterly alone brings out great fear.
When you look around and see all beings in relationships, whereas you are walking alone, it brings a sense of great despair and fear. And a longing for starting a family.

A deep sense of loss is felt. For the world which will vanish one day. To deal with this loss brings out great fear.

Is there a refuge? Is there God?

Sometimes, one has to have faith in God. Because our limited individual perception is invariably contaminated. Seek refuge in the Mind of God. The limited personal mind is contaminated with countless fears and perversions. Our personal desires and preferences are invariably destructive of peace.

This seeking mind of ours surely moves only in the direction of its own destruction. Seek refuge therefore in the indestructible. The Pure Mind. Which knows only truth. And is absolutely at Peace.

The personal mind endlessly throws up countless desires. All seeking their own fulfillment. Which one should be pursued? And all desires followed by the shadow of fear of their unfulfillment. What does an individual mind do? Even self effort seems trivial. So small is the personal mind and so full of impurity and density. All our past efforts seem to be destroyed by one unthinking act. Truly, the limited mind is not to be trusted.

Filled with doubts and despair, it seems like this entire life has been for naught. Why was a I ever born? Was it to only suffer? Confusion prevails all around. Should I get married or not? How come there is no definite answer to the most important questions in life? What ultimately matters? Do we even need to seek happiness? How little and trivial are our acts. How numerous our fears. How limited our abilities. How limited our knowledge.

What should be done? Why is there no answer? What exactly is this world? Why should I stay alive? Why is there confusion? Why is there despair? The effort to be aware leads only to more thoughts. Overcoming inertia is a constant struggle. Hatred of others forever present. This small mind forever discontent. Truly there is nothing you can do but play along. But why play? Not knowing is torture.

Confusion is actually the source of despair. Inability to handle the truth also leads to despair. When you are alone with no work to do, the mind is constantly tormented by one question, "What to do now"? The question, "What should I do now"? seems to be the one keeping the mind active. Constantly being asked in the background. To stop answering the question is to invite death. Hence the constant stress of coming up with endless answers to this one eternal question. The mind is too powerful. This question is the fuel for the mind. To end this question is to end the mind.

Activity is the very foundation of the world. The question 'What should I do now' is the very foundation of activity. Peace is experience only in those moments when the question is absent. This happens in the interval between tasks. Or in the course of a journey whose destination is not reached. Once the destination is reached, the question comes up again resulting in the arising of anxiety. Ceaseless anxiety comes from trying to ceaselessly trying to answer this question all your life. Holidays are ruined. Despair also comes from non action and also wrong action. The fear of choosing wrong action torments the mind.

Ultimately one realizes, intellectually at first, that the only sane answer is to sit still until death. Until the death of the question. Once the question dies, peace is permanent. As long as the possibility of action exists, so long the question will exist. Hence the importance of routine. Of family life. Having a routine and family life keeps the question at bay and hence results in peace. Having an uncontrolled life only increases the intensity of the question. Leading to destruction. To eat anytime, work anytime etc. torments the mind. One has to control the mind first. This is where self effort comes into play. An uncontrolled mind is tormenting. One who is single is constantly tormented by the question, "Should I marry?" and "Whom should I marry?". The answer, "I will not marry" will not end the anxiety unless there is external commitment like the life of a monk. Because as long as the option of marriage exists, anxiety will exist. Either get married and end the question or commit to remaining single externally and end the question. Keeping options open will only torment you. This question and also the question of 'Which career to pursue?' keeps misery alive.

Oh my God, I am stuck. Horribly stuck. I don't know what to do. And Not knowing keeps the question alive.

Have mercy on me O Lord. Please destroy the question. I have been completely overpowered by the mind. And now all I see is darkness. Restlessness is the very nature of the mind. No conviction can arise here.

True wisdom

Life's true wisdom is attained when you are absolutely convinced without any doubt that all is exactly how it is supposed to be at all times.

There are simply no mistakes.

Commitment to truth

It seems that the greatest challenge is co-existing with other people.
However, on looking a little deeper, it is only a belief.

Because you desire to keep stuff hidden.

The real fear of co-existing with other people is the fear of letting the truth slip and in the process liberating them and yourself.

Absolute commitment to truth is all that is required. Even at the cost of life.

The simplest way to begin is to stop lying about even the most trivial matters. Only then does truth become a habit. Overcome the temptation to lie.

Practice only this. Stop lying. And see what happens.

Forget about love, compassion, kindness, joy etc. Just commit to truth. Not your perception of truth. But actual truth.

One of the first thing that happens is that we become aware to the extent to which we lie to others and ourselves. We are lying to ourselves almost every millisecond!!!

So deeply is lying to ourselves conditioned that rarely a minute passes without a lie.

But be not depressed nor indulge in despair. Every small truth spoken has an exponential effect on the lies.

Lies being untrue have no real power. An a single truth can destroy a thousand lies in an instant.

Boldly speak the truth. Have no fear. Start small. Carry on brave soul. And you will soon overcome all fear.

Overcoming addictive behavioral patterns

The mind seems to be addicted to certain behavioral patterns which serve it no good.

It seems to be tempting to be vicious or mean, which however only increases misery.

Cultivate the determination to avoid indulging in addictive behavioral patterns.

This will result in peace and clarity.

Clarity of perception alone is valuable.

Anything that purifies perception must be pursued.

This is the only aim of self effort.

Self alone is real

The world is not unreal.
When it is seen as the world, it arouses fear.
When it is seen as the Self, all fear disappears.

The misperception of the Self as the world only needs correction.

Once corrected, there is nothing but the Self which alone is real.

All is Self. There is no 'world' out there.

The world there fore is not unreal. The world is the Self.

The Self is the only reality.

Silence and words

All words are useless. Silence is equally useless.

You

You are not the one living a life. You are the watching of it.
Perfectying claritying watchingness.

Supreme Clarity beneath the imaginary person and his foolish drama.

Fear of death

The imaginary ego is imaginarily bound by the imagined expectations of imagined others.

Simply put, you are bound by the expectations of all people who know you.

The more people who know you, the greater the sense of bondage.

And finally, the fear of death. And the fear of all imaginary terrible scenarios.

Like being eaten by a snake,

Being eaten by rats

Dying inside the gutter, covered in shit and being chewed down by rodents.

Being hacked into pieces.

Terrible imaginary outcomes.

Random

There is a part of me that wants to break every bond including the bond with parents.
Sometimes the realization comes that the greatest bondage is bondage to parents.

The bondage to parents brings great sorrow. Many times we are afraid to come out of a particular situation only because we are afraid of the effect of that decision on our parents.

In moments of great humiliation, we see that it is attachment to family (parents) that seems to be a major issue.

Also, it is seen that it is the ego identity that is attached. It is afraid of breaking this attachment.

To be born of worldly parents is a great misery. It promotes tremendous emotional attachment.

So many issues come to the fore. The main reason we pursue our jobs, get money and start a family is purely due to parental attachment. Attachment to parents is a root attachment, based on fear of the outside world and familiarity with parents.
The desire to succeed is also programmed into the subconscious by parents, which is extremely difficult to transcend later.
The practice now is to slowly break this attachment. If there is rebirth, I only wish to be born to a couple with high spiritual awareness and renunciation. I have had enough of this foolish pursuit of success.


This birth should be focused on resolving all unresolved issues, mainly completing family obligations once and for all, bearing the consequences of past actions and preparing the mindset for next birth.

The biggest challenge in this birth seems to be overcoming attachment to parents. To let go with no hard feelings. This will free both child and parent.

Another great source of distress is comparison with peers. Watching your peers advance in society is not easy to digest. Infact, most difficult to endure.

Nothing hurts so deep than watching others go ahead in life while you lie stagnating.

Sometimes you just have to man up and accept your shortcomings. Even if that is a lack of ambition.
Stop blaming your parents.

Again, is this comparison true? Or your mind just playing another trick?
Do you see the mind of the other with whom you compare yourself?

Sometimes, the simplest thing that liberates is to merely speak the truth. Even to authority.
Speaking the truth is the simplest and most powerful method to change your life. Truth liberates. Try it in this birth itself.

Plan for rebirth:

1. Birth to a couple with high spiritual awareness.
2. Strong awareness of truth (Self awareness) and purpose at an early age, with minimal programming.
3. Renounce family life at the age of 15 and engage purely in meditation.
4. Direct self realization at age 23.
5. To be absolutely convinced about the futility of pursuing illusions. 
5. No personal concerns after this point.

Love of a sage

The love of a sage transcends across all dimensions and all intervals of time, providing refuge and healing to countless beings. There is no greater love. I bow down to this love.

Subconscious beliefs

It is too difficult to make money

It is too difficult to attract a woman

It takes too much effort to pursue your dreams

We must survive first

We must not go against the popular perception

We must resist temptations and desires

We are a malicious person who does not deserve to be loved

We must remain in our comfort zone and avoid exerting ourself in pursuit

We must uphold a respectable self image

We cannot risk humiliation

We must stay safe and secure at all costs

Safety and security and survival is all important

The world is a dangerous place. So stay at home and avoid interacting too much with the world.

To have power over others. To ruthlessly destroy all who oppose my desires.

The core subconscious belief is 'I am weak and a powerless victim of my circumstance. Completely at the mercy of external forces beyond my control'. This core subconscious belief must be first overcome.

Convince yourself that there is no external world 'out there'. That which appears as 'the world' is only Mind. Nothing is outside you. Consciousness alone exists. That is who you are.

Be absolutely convinced of this alone. All else will follow.

Be nice

Today, I have finally faced the consequences of being nasty.
My own strategy, born out of arrogance and the feeling of being used by another has perfectly backfired onto me.

There is really no point in being nasty.

Be good to others. It will help you tremendously.

It will make you cheerful and confident.

Self love

What is self love?

If you really love yourself (which you do anyway), you will want to ensure that you remain happy and peaceful. If you knew that by harming others, or by refusing to share when given an opportunity, or by avoiding something you should be addressing, you will feel miserable afterwards, would you continue doing these?

Self love is to value your own happiness and inner harmony.
This is possible only by prioritizing it above all others.

Give up the desire to bring obstacles into others lifes.

Give up the desire to bound others.

Free yourself by allowing freedom for all around you. Irrespective of your present condition.

Importance of sharing

One issue that has been noticed is that I desire to have power over others.
Sometimes, I avoid sharing because I perceive that only weak people share. Powerful ones do not need to share and are self sufficient. Allowing others to use something that belongs to me is a sign of weakness.

But I realize that this can backfire. All desire to avoid sharing comes from arrogance. You foolishly believe that if you possess something that others do not, you have power over them, which breeds arrogance. Then when your illusion is shattered, it is especially painful.

Always remember that sharing what you possess is the best approach. Share and be good.
Help others.

This will be a great stress buster. Give up the foolish desire to acquire power over others.

Kindness and humility are most precious.

Take action

Ok, so we need to start dealing with our issue or unmet needs.
Let us honestly assess the unresolved issues for this person:

1. Lack of social skills --> few friends --> feeling lonely
2. Not financially independent as yet --> feeling bound

The most important priority is financial independence.

In order to proceed with financial independence, certain social skills need to be learned first.
You have enough intelligence and hard skills.

Social skills involve communicating your deepest emotions with other people. I AM <--> YOU ARE.

The biggest obstacle to developing social skills is ego (or fear of embarrassment).

Self deception is so pervasive that it is not even noticed. I have been deceiving myself all my life.

Unless I become financially liberated, I will remain dissatisfied. Learn to write well and think analytically through your PhD training. Use this to liberate yourself financially by creating your own enterprise which teaches others to liberate themselves financially.

Since the world is just like a playground, what is there to fear? What stops you from taking action?

I am taking action by completing my PhD projects independently and learning from them.

Taking action is the only way to salvation.

Clarity

Clarity is here.

Clarity is always here.

Clarity is aware of clarity.

Clarity shining through.

No need to do.

How to use clarity?

Is clarity enough by itself?

Is anything really done?

Does anything need to be known?

Who knows? Who does?

Who desires? Who gets fulfilled of desire?

What needs to be solved?

Clarity remains untouched.

What to do now? Who does?

Is there anything else?

Is there a thought of clarity?

Is there an attainment of clarity?

Is there an ‘other than’ clarity?

Sole absolute clarity.

The final refuge.

Gratitude list

As I reach 30 years of age today, let me make a list of things to be grateful for:

1. Foremost is self knowledge guided by scripture. There is nothing more important than this. Self knowledge will not be traded for anything else, neither wealth nor worldly relationship.

2. Health is decent

3. Good family upbringing and a loving family

4. Opportunity to receive knowledge from good universities and to pursue a PhD

5. Reasonably sharp intellect

6. No need to struggle for daily bread.

7. Ability to communicate clearly

8. Love of wisdom

9. Veneration for scriptures and sages

10. Ability to inspire others

11. Ability to concentrate and focus

12. Desire for liberation

13. Self confidence

However, I also realize that I have some areas of improvement, especially in the social domain which may require some addressing. :-)

Struggle of the countless

Countless beings struggle for a miniscule fraction of resources. If this is not madness, what is?
Their entire lives caught up in a struggle for so little, it's almost shameful.

Truly, it is only he who has given up all desire for posession, all desire to live who alone endures.

Fear of laziness

A great fear arises. A fear that laziness will lead to my ruin.
Fear that laziness will make me a bitter person, cynical and unable to accept the perceived success of others.

Self effort is the antidote to laziness.

Overcoming laziness

Laziness breeds fear.
Please do not justify laziness.

Laziness is ignorance and leads to ruin.

The covetousness of the lazy person eats him from the inside like a cancer. He is jealous of others who are prosperous but refuses to work to earn a living. These emotions of envy and greed, when allowed to intensify over the years will cause physical problems and affect vital organs and could lead to death. The righteous realize that all they own belongs to God. They give liberally without apprehension but the covetous, lazy man lusts after more of the world’s goods. The lottery was tailor made for him.

The desire for liberation

The tendency to wish for the misery of another is the root of your own misery.
Sometimes, we are willing to be miserable ourselves if only it would ensure that another remains in misery.

To wish well for another is the most difficult task for the mind.
To desire liberation for another is so repulsive to the mind that it would accept its own bondage rather than desire liberation for another.

To keep others in ignorance is the desire for power, which bounds the mind thus.
The only cure is to desire the welfare and liberation of all beings. No other cure is possible.
No action is of any use without the intention to liberate all beings, no matter how good or evil.

Your only choice is how long you are willing to wait to accept this truth.

That to desire liberation for others as much as you desire liberation for yourself is the only cure for your misery.

That this is the only worthy intention. To desire liberation for all beings is liberation itself.

Desiderata poem

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious
to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter, for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.