Rage

Rage...anger...now where does this visitor come from? When the story in your mind conflicts with the dream outside, rage comes up...rage comes from attachment too...it proves that you are still attached....do not have a death grip onto things...obsession will create nothing but fear and anger...

Deep Desire

There is in me, a deep desire for companionship, a deep desire to engage in a meaningful relationship with a woman, physically, emotionally and mentally. Yet, I find this desire extremely difficult to realize. What is the source of this desire? And why am I unable to realize it?

missing sex...

The desire for sex is the most powerful human urge. We are all familiar with it. Sometimes it gets so strong, but we are unable to do anything. Do you believe that you are missing something if you have not experienced sex? Is that feeling of loss driving you to have sex with just about anyone or even a prostitute? The feeling that life is incomplete if you have not experienced sex? Just remember this, life is always complete..even now in this very moment, life is complete, even if you do not experience anything, life is complete, for this moment is all there is, and this moment can never be incomplete...no matter what experience you are going through, or what experience you perceive to have missed, life needs no experience to be complete...you cannot miss anything because you are always here, you can only perceive to have missed an experience or lost an opportunity, but in this moment right here there is nothing but complete perfection...yes, there are many perceptions, some perceive to have missed something, but this is the biggest illusion...if you cannot be here in this moment right now, no experience will ever satisfy you andk you will always perceive to have missed something or lost something...why waste time in seeking for that which you perceive to lack? if life is not complete now, there is nothing that you can do to ensure completion...no matter what your experience or lack of it, no matter how long you live, this moment is all there is...

Very often in life we find ourselves regretting something, or trying to hold on to transient things, but in all our seeking and struggling and striving, we miss the most fundamental and real thing which is just this moment...just rest in this moment...fall asleep...there is nothing more, nothing less...just this, forever now...no experience can ever last...all is fleeting which includes sex and the desire for sex...

The hunger for experience drives the world...but what is wrong with right now?...life does not need a reason to be complete..

who knows?

I am a lazy good-for-nothing bastard. All I really care about in life is nothing. I have no special skills or talents to boast. I really have no desire to work for a living. I don't care if I die tomorrow or even right now. Nothing in life has ever satisfied me fully, but then again, who am I do demand satisfaction from life?

The truth is that I really don't care about anything anymore. Whether I make anyone happy or sad is of no concern to me. I don't really desire high position or fame. Neither do I reject it if it comes. I have nothing more to do. Everything that is done is done. I do not desire to be anyone. I am already who I am. Neither striving nor rejecting, I take whatever comes. I have nothing to look forward to. No solace in looking back. I have no idea if I will survive to old age and neither do I care. I have no idea if I will ever fall in love with a woman again and this too I do not care. I do not know if I will ever have a girlfriend or a wife and this does not bother me. I am already who I am. This is all really. What more is there. Experiences will happen. I will gain and lose. I might have surprises both pleasant and unpleasant. Maybe I will fall in love again. Possibilities will always exist. And I dont care which possibility I choose. I will make many choices. What I will choose or not is of no concern to be. Who I am is choiceless. I am already what I am. There is no choice her. I have no choice but to be what I am. How does it matter what I choose? Or who I choose? There is no motivation left for me. I just drift along whwerever life takes me too. Thoughts come and go. Experiences come and go and then become memory. All experience transforms into memory. And memory itself is not reliable. The story of my life might be one of success or failure. Of loss or gain. Of tragedy or comedy. Of suffering or joy. How does this matter? No solace in anything. No experience everlasting. All that is there is just this. Forever now. I dont know why I am writing this. The desire to know is a huge burden. The desire for the approval of others is the biggest burden one can carry. How does it affect who you are right now? I have no idea why I do the things I do. Why do I have this desire to survive? Why does fear still keep visiting? All these happenings coming and going like couds. But I am the sky, forever the same. Do or not do? Activity or stillness? To do or to be? Does any of it really matter? Why do I keep myself alive? Why is the question still there? Whay is curiosity still there? Why, why, why? Tormented by doubt. How can one give up the desire to know? Why do we have to 'try' to be still? Is stillness an activity to be performed? Countless questions...forever present, no answers...no looking forward...no looking back...who am i then? No great story here, just an ordinary life...no control over anything, though forever trying...what propels me? why express? all is well, or not, no matter, no point..can't stop trying..but trying won't help..deep paradox, this guy will die...so who wants to know, who cares what happens, and why cant i stop??...why to stop? why to continue?...why to love?...why to laugh?..why to be happy?...life is despair...always dark...joy is transient, suffering is transient...but they keep repeating...i care for neither...choice is hell...don't care to create...but cant stop doing...cant stop flowing...what stupidness is this?...comings and goings, gains and losses, defeats and victories, what is real...deeply conflicted desires...being someone is hell...having complete freewill is hell...choice is terryfying...death is the best friend...life is cruel...identity will dissolve...new one will arise..who am i?...a lover, a philosopher, a scientist, a fool, a loser, a student, a teacher, a son, a lazy bum, a sadist, a jealous bastard, a despairer, a creep, a weirdo, a curious guy, a people pleaser, a clown, a hero??? in this play of identity, nothing remains, lost in language, lost in forms...love is just a word...all words just dissolve into nothing...at heart, there is nothing to do and no one to be...being is as futile as doing...no words can remain, all words are useless...attachment to words is misery...nither doing, nor being, nor seeking, nor seeing...fuck shit...nothing here...??????????????????....FUCK....i cannot stand this uncertainty...i have only one desire, to know that by knowing which all desire to know is extinguished...all that i desire is freedom from doubt...complete conviction...uncertainty will kill me...complete and absolute knowing...to become that knowing...doubt kills...to fuck with knowing itself and become knowledge...even love will not satisfy...because there is doubt in love...knowing the knower by destroying everything, so that there is nothing but knowing and no knower...who wants to know??? what creates doubt?

searching for the self

in the search for yourself, you start from the end. so, its unnecessary anyway...

silence

Always come back to the silence which lies beneath all the noise of the world. In the silence, allow life to be..
No matter how badly you perceive yourself to be hit, remember that it cannot touch the depths...which lies always still and unconcerned...

The crux of suffering is this - inability to accept life as it is...i find myself suffering whenever i am unable to accept how life turns out...i have heard that you are responsible for your own life and to realize how irresponsible i have been is hardest to accept...

Coping with loss

This post is for you who has suffered a deep loss in life which you think cannot be replaced...

Yes, loss of something considered to be valuable is a huge setback...please mourn your loss completely, it is only human..and take some time to reflect on it..remember that change is a truth of life and loss is the biggest change..nothing destroys a man mentally and emotionally as much as the loss of something valuable..but when the loss is deep and the mind is unable to cope, retreat within...within yourself, much deeper than the mind lies something profound..something so deep that cannot it be touched by loss...try to find this level within...loss is an opportunity to dive deep within the self...to touch that profound stillness that remains always pure and clear irrespective of any external circumstance...try to look at what lies underneath all your thoughts...yes, life is tough and it is full of hits that come from nowhere...but the heart of life, which is the same as the heart of yourself is untouched by any loss whatsoever...come here now...leave your life behind...realize what lies within you...realize who you really are...the world has no power over you...you have weakened yourself with all kinds of false imaginings...give them up...come and meet yourself in this silence...and then you will realize what cannot be taken away...what cannot be lost...what cannot be chosen...what always is...now...here...always...this is home...allow this deep silence to wash over you...this space is where healing happens...the only way you can cope with loss is to connect with your inner self, that self which cannot be lost and is always present...right here, right now...please enter here...

Some questions

What is the price of freedom?

What is the one true desire underneath all other desrires?

Who decides the worth of one's life?

Who knows the consequences of his choices the moment they are made?

Who knows how life will eventually turn out?

Finally, at the end of the day, whose opinions do you really have to live with?

What is the consequence of being true to who you are?