Driving emotions and their one ruler

Lets make a note of all conflicting desires driving my actions:

1. Desire for recognition
2. Approval
3. Envy of colleagues
4. Malice towards people
5. Perceived family expectations
6. Fear of failure
7. Fear of humiliation
8. Fear of pain
9. Fear of suffering
10. Fear of poverty
11. Fear of illness
12. Anger towards the indifferent world
13. Anger towards close friends
14. Lust for sex
15. Lust for food
16. Fear of non-performing
17. Joy of aliveness

Basically, there are so many factors driving our choices that it is impossible to predict which emotion will overpower. Unless one becomes conscious. Aware. Awareness is neutral. It does not act nor react. It merely is. Infact it slows down the emotional reactionary mechanism. Stillness of being.

There is only one ruler. That ruler neither acts nor reacts. Neither thinks nor imagines. Neither chooses nor rejects. That is pure awareness. Dwell here. The non doer. The watcher. Pure consciousness. Forever still. Peace lies here.

Let the emotions run the show. Consciousness lies unconcerned. Forever peaceful. The true ruler. The only ruler. The only One. The show is also consciousness, disguised.

The show of life

Our actions are driven by various conflicting emotions. The play of emotions determines our decisions. There is no single decider who makes decisions. Just various conflicting tendencies and emotions interacting and governing our actions.

So then who are you then? Is there no single 'you' who is running the show of your life? If there is a 'you' who is running this you? On what basis does the 'you' decide? It seems as though there is no 'fixed' you running this show. You are the entire panorama in which the show takes place. The panorama is not separate from the show. There is really no one running anything. Only imaginary characters seem to be running an imaginary show.

The play of emotions. The conflict of desires. All of these take place without any director. The Self lies alone as the entire show and its witness. But there are no two things i.e. show and watcher of show. But only the entire panorama without any reason or cause or self.

How very beautiful is this marvelous show with all its love, beauty, despair, anger, frustration, failure, destruction and triumph. So glorious indeed!

I bow down to you.

You!

Life is itself You. There is no you apart from life and no life apart from you.

Only the deluded mind tricks you into believing 'you' as a definite entity distinct from 'not you' or others.

What is, is all there is. It is You!

Overcoming mind misery

A characteristic of the mind is its tendency to repeatedly dwell on trivial issues.
A stray thought arises. And soon it explodes into an avalanche, overcoming even the major issues. It seems as though this trivial thought has completely taken over the mind. No effort on your part seems to help.

This causes misery. When the mind is running, rest is impossible. True rest happens when the mind is still.

Even trivial thoughts can cause the mind to move furiously. Hence it is wise to keep attention always on the awareness. Just be aware of awareness. No matter how difficult or foolish or futile it may seem. Herein lies true healing.

Just this simple awareness being aware. Fuck all other issues, minor or major. You are not in control of anything here.

Only consciousness can confer true peace. Consciousness is peace, health and happiness.

Purpose

I would like to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

Sharing the glory of the One Light that alone shines.

Everything else in life including career is only a means to this one end.

As a result, I would like to have a career which is not very demanding, and provides for ample time for the ultimate purpose.

One option is teaching physics/mathematics (by virtue of training). But somehow develop a technique/means to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

By the grace of the One Lord, the One alone, may this purpose be fulfilled.

AUM

Final personal desire

The final personal desire is to make love to woman with full awareness. Meditative lovemaking.

After this, only consciousness remains. The true home. No more personal desires remain.

States of mind and their effect

When you are in a positive state of mind, which happens either when something you desire has been attained or by doing good to others, your energy levels automatically rise and you feel liberated.

Conersely, when you are in a negative state of mind, either by not getting something you desire or by doing bad deeds or lying to others, you experience a depletion of energy and inability to perform your work well.

Remaining in a positive frame of mind requires a commitment to truth and non violence and doing good deeds. It purifies the mind and brings vitality. This is a law of nature.

Deception and lying are probably the most damaging acts you perform.

If the only good that you can do in life is to be true to yourself and others, that is a life well lived.

Worst hell

One of the worst hell is to be completely sunk in a state of inactivity and total negligence. Completely despising the world and closing off the heart to all that is warm. Retreating into a solitary existence with harshness in the heart.

Look at the world. Be grateful just to be alive. Share gratitude.

Evershining light

Ultimately, everything shall be taken away. But the thing was never a thing. You are everything. And that is the evershining light. Remain in consciousness of the One Light. And nothing else is needed.

Let activities get done as they get done. Non-interference is the best approach. Worship the evershining One Light alone.

Terrible or liberating?

The void of life, or the great emptiness at the heart. Sometimes it seems as though life is nothing but this deep stillness, empty of movement. Nothing to do or attain. No one to be with. No other to love. Is this terrible or liberating?

Vacillation of the mind and its misery

Just realize one thing absolutely clearly. You are not dealing with the world but the mind. Get this one point crystal clear. Once you realize that the only thing that you need to deal with is the mind, that becomes your starting point.

The mind is movement. Incessant movement. To try to control the mind, is to create more movement. Vacillation is the minds cousin. It is what sustains the movement of mind. The inability to decide and to fix the decision creates tremendous movement. Even if you decide, at any time the mind can decide otherwise. The possibility remains, and this is misery.

Hence to deal with this, there is only one solution. Self knowledge. Remain as the motionless Self at all times. Conviction of the importance of remaining always as the Self is the only antidote to the movement of the mind. In a way remaining as the Self is effortless and requires no conviction. The conviction comes into play only as a reminder to never wander into the mind. Only the Self is real. Hence only remain as the Self.

Obsessions of the mind

The irrational mind will explode a tiny issue into an all consuming obsession. It seems that the mind knows hoe to use the exponential function very skilfully. It takes up a minor consideration and suddenly explodes it into an obsession. The obsession blinds it to all else. One who is obsessed can only think about the obsession. Nothing else seems important to the obsessive mind.

Ultimately, it destroys the mind completely. Guard against obsession. Obsession can be cured by practicing rational thinking. Or address the root of the obsession. Be willing to control the self and allow the obsession to play out. It might rise up again, but let it extinguish itself.

Resolution of inner psychological issues is the most important action. Once psychological issues are completely addressed, only then is liberation possible. Let us not neglect this. Address it directly.

Only when one is willing to lose everything is true psychological resolution possible. The tendency to grasp and the inability to let go is the root of psychological suffering.

Sometimes there is the possibility of action, even the urge to act and yet the wisdom of self restraint creates the conflict. To act or not to act. Action cannot be undone. Inaction can anytime convert to action. So is it wise then to wait or to act? I do not know.

This seems the story of life. A wise philosopher has once remarked, "Whatever choice you take, you will regret it".

 

This experience

It doesn't matter beloved. Do what you will. There is only this glorious experiencing. Life/death/illness/fear/love are all this self aware experience.

I have spent far too many years immersed in academics and theory. It is now time to relax into the majestic experience. But knowing that there is no self who is the experiencer or the knower. Only this self experiencing awareness.

So don't worry. There is nothing to avoid. Just refrain from violence and harming another. And bless each 'separate' entity.

Courage to be independent

The greatest challenge in life is overcoming dependence.
Nothing hurts the spirit so much as dependence on external factors.

Especially dependence on family.
It is better to be an independent beggar than a dependent king.

The only factor preventing complete independence is attachment to self image. The attachment to a positive self image prevents you from taking the bold steps required to be independent.

Once you are truly independent, only then are you fit for relationship. Otherwise you will live like a fool.

The courage to remain inwardly independent is most important in life.

In-dependent = Dependent on inner reality, not outer circumstance.

This alone is the great requirement for liberation.

Rely only on the One inner reality. Not on the million outward circumstances and relationships. This alone is true independence.

Gratitude list

Start appreciating what you already have. Lets make a list of things to be grateful for:

1. Good sleep
2. Relaxed holiday
3. Coffee
4. Good health
5. Research
6. Stable family
7. Right knowledge
8. Good company
9. Being alive
10. Two publications
11. Breathing
12. Walking
13. Writing
14. Reading
15. Helping
16. Reasonably wealthy
17. Can communicate clearly
18. Full stomach
19. Able body
20. Sharp intellect

And the most important of all - Self knowledge. The awareness of being aware. Existence.
You are aware now. This awareness is the holy God. There is only supreme gratitude.

Self deception

One of my favorite topics is deception, especially self deception. How strange that we indulge in ceaseless self deceptions. Every moment, we pretend to ourselves that we are inadequate, incomplete, miserable, need more money, more fame, more importance. How very strange are the countless lies that we constantly tell ourselves.

The biggest lie of all is that I am enlightened. That we know whats going on. That I know whats best for me. That I know what I want to be happy.

For example, I think that I need to be a very knowledgeable person to attain respect from society. That I need a female companion to be complete. That I need to compete and defeat my adversaries to feel fulfilled. That I need a high title to appear successful.

Well, what if I have none of those? What does one really need?
Our only need is food for the body. That is all. Air, water, sunlight are free. Even food can be obtained. Nothing other than this is needed. But people need to feel useful and kept working. Hence we invent all sorts of artificial needs in order to motivate them.

Lets really investigate whats needed. Why do we pursue titles we do not need? Why do we pretend to desire something for false reasons? Why don't we admit the truth?

Survival and reproduction are the only two things the body is interested in. Everything else is artificial and fabricated superimposition. There is really nothing else.

So lets write down our self deceptions:

1. I alone am worthy of enlightenement
2. I alone am worthy of love
3. I alone am worthy of attention
4. I alone am worthy of victory
5. I alone am worthy of success
6. I alone am worthy of liberation

Anyone else who attains the above 5 items is envied.

There is only consciousness. Everything that seems other than consciousness is also consciousness.
Hence there is absolutely nothing to attain or reject.

Life plan

1. Start a shop selling good coffee
2. Write your books while running your coffee shop
3. Liberate your customers

This is life