Fear and anxiety arise.
Fear of time slipping by.
Fear of falling behind.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of future suffering.
Fear of losing loved ones.
Whatever be the subject of fear, it arises.
As a constricted feeling.
It narrows down the perspective.
It funnels down the perspective.
It eclipses everything else.
We can no longer sense/perceive the larger picture.
In these moments, one needs within oneself a voice that never loses the higher perspective.
That no matter what, it will be fine.
Grace is a two-way street.
The same grace that pushes you into the mud also cleans you up.
Its all an act of grace.
And its amazing.
It lifts you out of your own self-created maze.
How does one cope when one has no one to love and is not loved by anyone?
-I don't know
No matter what, there is always no-thing.
No-thing appearing as something.
Turning everything futile.
Always changing.
The I-sense or the sense of feeling separate from the whole is already an aspect of wholeness.
So, take it easy and relax.
There is nothing that needs to be done as wholeness is already the case.
Two forces seem to direct our lives here.
The upward force that leads to subtle perception. This brings lightness and clarity.
The downward force that leads to gross indulgence. This brings dullness and lethargy.
The upward force enlightens.
The downward force obscures.
Almost all our seeking stems from an unwillingness to accept what is as it is.
The present moment of simply being seems not enough.
There must be more that just what is.
What is seems not enough because of the belief that I can do something to improve what is.
That I need more than what is.
The desire for more than what is drives our search.
The possibility of having more than what is causes unrest and discontent.
Chasing more experiences.
Chasing more pleasure.
Chasing more indulgences.
Chasing more feel good stuffs.
Chasing romance.
Chasing sex.
Chasing travel to exotic locations.
Chasing a new career.
Chasing a promotion.
Chasing more money.
Every chase begins in dissatisfaction with what is.
And yet, no matter what you chase, when you attain it, you are back to what is.
The paradox of the chase is that it keeps you chasing.
In this incessant chase for more, what is is always.
We enter into this dream to chase more.
And the ceaseless chasing eventually tires you.
And then when you can chase no more, you fall back into what is.
Always here for you.
Grief is one experience we all share.
Grief of losing those you love.
It could be parents, kids, spouse, sibling, friend, lover, well wisher etc.
Knowing that they will not return. It can be too sorrowful.
A feeling of being alone and loveless in an empty place.
What does one do then?
How does one carry on?
The remembering self is immersed in memories and anxieties and sorrows and troubles and hopes.
The experiencing self simply is.
Mostly the attention is taken up by the remembering self.
But to repeatedly place the attention on the experiencing self might be worthwhile. Although not easy.
There is only one law that operates in the universe.
And that is the will of God.
Ultimately even the choice to surrender is futile.
The will of God cannot fail.
The will of God is always manifested.
The will of God is always final.
At the end of the day, all your little actions are powerless.
When the absolute calls, resistance is not possible.
It is impossible to resist the call of the absolute.
Everything else is simply baggage.
Flowing tides.
Shifting thoughts.
Changing circumstances.
Shifting emotions.
The unstoppable flowing of life.
Yet, there is stillness.
Somehow.
Paradoxically.
Stillness and movement co-existing.
Shiva and Shakti.
Being and Becoming.
Flowing No-thing.
Dancing energy.
Joyful sorrow.
Tragic grace.
At the core lies emotional pain.
Everything that we do is to feel better, feel relaxed and not feel emotional pain.
Its why we want to make more money, have relationships, families, networks etc.
Our bodies are composed of currents that cause turmoil and emotional pain.
Our desire to seek relief from inner turmoil and inner emotional pain drives a lot of our behaviors.
So this then (dealing with emotional pain) becomes a central aspect of our lives.
The conceptual universe consists of countless perceptions.
It is a collection of innumerable perceptions.
Each one with its own viewpoint.
None of them is complete.
Each viewpoint is based on elimination of something.
To have a viewpoint is to eliminate.
When nothing is eliminated, no viewpoint is possible.
The complete view does not exist.
All viewpoints are partial by definition.
Wholeness transcends every viewpoint / every perception.
Living life as a human is a traumatic experience.
Its best to simply accept this fact.
And take comfort in knowing that its nobody's fault.
The desire for some-thing is in forever conflict with the reality of no-thing.
In the moments of absence of desire, there is simply this.
Forever.
At the heart of it, our life simply boils down to one issue.
Are you present to your immediate experience or are you lost in thought/dreaming?
Simply this is enough.
Not valuing simply this leads to a million sorrows and sufferings.
The greed for more simply takes you away from that which is already here, lost in the maze of thoughts and dreams.
And yet, does it really matter?
The essence of life is simply to get totally comfortable in the present moment.
Nothing else!
There seem to be countless teachings and countless philosophies and a countless systems of conceptual understandings and perspectives.
But at the core is simply the direct experience of the present moment, simply as it is.
It can't get simpler than this.
And yet this simplicity can seem unbearable to the conditioned and complex mind.
Is there anything other than the experience of this present moment as it is?
Remain in the moment. Experiencing only the present moment.
If you are unable to do that, find out what is it that is preventing you from remaining simply in the present moment.
Keep repeating until you can simply remain in the present moment. Totally present.
This might take a few months/years/decades depending on the degree of conditioning/resistance that you carry within.
To remain content simply in the present moment is the both practice and the goal.
It takes effort to remain separate. To remain as a separate entity.
Non-separation (Oneness) is the reality.
It takes no effort, it simply is.
It takes effort to remain separate from what is.
And the longer the separation, the more effort it takes.
Grace lies in complete acceptance of life with all its sufferings.
Can you really get rid of suffering?
Is it possible?
Grace.
Suffering is caused not by external situations, but by our inner response to situations. We suffer our overactive imaginations.
Our inner response to the outside world/external situations determines our degree of suffering/anguish.
When the inner response is based on truth/understanding, then there is perfect alignment. You cannot cheat yourself out of truth.
This simple realization if truly internalized can heal a lot of trauma. But it can take a lot of suffering to truly internalize it.
Blessed are those who realize it sooner rather than later.
Mental anguish/Regret is one of the trickiest feelings.
It feels intense and stuck in thought loops of ceaselessly dwelling on the regrettable/anguish inducing action.
Only when it passes and one re-experiences clarity of perspective that it occurs how darkly immersed we were.
It seems almost impossible to believe that the anguish will end.
Yet, it passes. Eventually.
All states of mind eventually pass - come and go - and on disappearing the background clarity of simply being is revealed.
At the background is always simply clear beingness in the present moment.
All the anguish/regret/anxieties/miseries/despair eventually passes to reveal the naked clarity underneath.
This is the gift of suffering. To reveal that which lies beyond it.
I have nothing to say.
I only feel uneasy.
Like wanting to scream and explode inside.
I hate it all.
Absolute hatred.
Why can't I just fuk it all?
Living a fake life.
Our lives seem like a cozy imaginary escape from the terrifying (but liberating) reality of eternity.
Ultimately, there is only this experience.
Happening spontaneously.
Arising automatically.
There is only experiencing happening as it is.
What can be said about it?
Direct experience without getting stuck in the labyrinth of thoughts/dreams.
Experiencing aware of the experience.
Hasn't it always been like this?
What has seeking and striving really brought about?
Experiencing cannot stop itself. It cannot start itself.
Nothingness cannot be experienced. The absence of experience cannot be experienced.
Whatever it is that exists is 'perpetually' experiencing itself.
There is nothing other than this to attain. And nothing to avoid.
Simply stop running after illusions. Then you can finally rest in the original state experiencing itself.
Nothing to attain. Nothing to avoid.
Simply this. AS IT IS.
Just this moment. As it IS.
Feeling the beingness.
Nothing extraordinary, nothing special.
Simply this ordinary moment being aware.
No questions.
Simply being.
Now. Here.
Is there anything else needed?
Sometimes, there is this huge urge for things to be different.
To wish that my situation/life circumstances were different from how it is.
But even if you had the 'perfect' life circumstances, would it really help?
What is the root of this feeling of discontent?
That this is just not enough.
That the future is uncertain and scary. With nothing to look forward to but added responsibilities.
That past mistakes can create haunting regrets. That I should have chosen differently.
Why is it so impossible to simply accept what is as it is?
Across all realities, timelines, dimensions, there is simply a single understanding/recognition.
That it is the same existence/energy/process/interaction that is actually there. There is no-thing underneath but only this ceaselessly churning 'substance'.
It is only the underlying reality of the ceaselessly churning 'no-thing substance' eternally forming and un-forming that alone IS across all dimensions/timelines/densities.
There can be nothing else, like a separate entity living life other than the reality. Only recognition of this.
Not recognizing this, confusion expands.
To recognize this is peace/liberation, although there is never 'any-thing' else.
All that you see around, all the activity, movement, sounds, lights is actually nothing pretending to be something.
There is no underlying 'thing' at the base of existence.
Its simply no-thing.
No-thing arising as movement appearing as some-thing.
Before enlightenment, mastery of life must happen.
Enlightenment is easy. Since nonduality is already true.
But we are here to experience separation and not enlightenment.
Through separation, we develop our individuality.
We learn to face life head on, come what may.
We are no longer timid.
We are no longer hiding and avoiding and running away from trouble.
But it is here in apparent duality that we develop our individuality.
It is not easy being an individual, but can be rewarding in its own way.
So fear not. Do not avoid life. Do not be timid. Oneness is already the case.
Face life and its challenges head on with confidence.
Do not run away.
One of my big fears is the fear of being alone, as a tiny creature facing a vast and terrifying world.
Fear of being consumed by the world. As though the world is one big entity that is waiting to consume me, a tiny little creature.
The terror of losing my existence and suffering through it.
Losing your existence to the world is the ultimate humiliation.
It seems that making money and having relationships would somehow enlarge me and make it harder for the world to consume me. So, I keep seeking to make more money and increasing my network.
And as the larger body of humanity, it seems that our collective fear of losing our existence keeps driving us harder to attempt to tame the world through technology.
What a strange situation.
We keep roaming from one dream to another, endlessly.
And yet, the dreams; simply a disguise.
The disguise of the void underneath
Ah, what a strange strange strange!
Its the feeling/sense that something 'bad' will happen in the future that fuels the anxiety.
What's the remedy?
Find out what actually exists.
Simply this moment.
Simply being. Life as it is.
In our search for more, the simplicity of being is overlooked.
When the simple awareness of being is life's wonderful gift to itself.
Failing to appreciate the simple beingness, the mind is lost in a complex web of hope, struggle and fear.
Today was another mental attack.
Thought I'd work from home as an experiment and it horribly backfired.
Spent the whole time feeling intense mental reactions. My God!
Felt like I have isolated myself into this hole from which there is no escape.
Feeling terribly isolated.
The mind is a mass of resistance to what is.
The mind , the ego, the self is terrified of its demise and has absolute hatred towards everything else.
My God, I feel so tied , in a vice grip....trapped by the mind.
It is fucking horrific.
Nothingness is the cure for the illness of being.
All sufferings is due to 'something'.
Only in nothingness is the end of suffering found.
The holy ground.
Nothing.
Un-manifest.
Absolute non being.
Nothing is the greatest healer.
Life seems like a sequence of mechanical actions that keep repeating themselves.
To escape from the mundane mechanics of repeating actions, seek the unmovable dimension of stillness.
Discovering the dimension of stillness is discovering the dimension of your core self.
Although actions are mechanical, the core witness self is not.
Its simple existence.
Pure Existence.
Untouched.
Still.
Absolute.
A lot of energy is consumed in pretending.
We spend most of our lives pretending to ourselves and to others.
Pretending to care, pretending to like, pretending to be good, pretending to be selfless.
Pretending to be fine. Pretending to be interested.
Pretending to be individual personas.
We pretend to like or care about people.
In truth, do you really care about others?
Are you really selfless?
What would happen if we stopped pretending?
Do we pretend simply to fit in? Simply to avoid being banished from the tribe?
Countless worlds have arisen. Countless aeons have passed.
Countless worlds are yet to arise. Countless aeons yet to pass.
Countless universes have come and gone.
There is no stop.
The dream goes on and on and on without stop.
Countless characters have come and gone.
Countless successes and failures experienced.
Countless lovers have loved and lost.
Countless children born and gone.
Countless deaths have taken place.
Countless sufferings have been endured.
Countless victories and losses been.
Countless gains and losses.
In these countless realms of countless worlds of countless circumstances and countless memories;
Alone lies the One.
Beyond birth and death.
Beyond all dreams and sorrows.
Beyond all memories of pain and loss.
The One lies alone forever.
All there is, is the flow of life and included in the flow of life is the simultaneous recognition/awareness/knowing of it.
The knowing is not apart from the flow.
Is there anything else besides this?
Mind is filled with delusions, perversions, corruptions, imaginations, worries, anxieties, hopes, calculations, plans.
Mind is powered by the intensity of life. The life energy.
This life energy that powers the mind does not dream, think or imagine.
It simply exists as the life force.
When the life force is not properly channeled, it can wreak havoc.
What lies beyond the life force?
What is the origin of the life force?
Is there an origin?
Conforming to social expectations is probably a necessary evil.
We need people to behave predictably in order for the smooth functioning of society.
Aberrant and unpredictable behaviors are punished.
Is this correct?
It is efficient, but it can go too far. We can get too caught up and controlled by conformity.
There are people in positions of power who ensure that people are conforming to social structures, but they might see themselves as above the law and the need to conform.
What if we remove all these social chains? What will happen?
Chaos? Terror? Destruction? Anarchy? Liberation?
It is difficult to conceive of total removal of all social structures, which includes the family unit as well. As we imagine the consequences to be too horrifying.
But is it really necessary?
I believe it is necessary to question our social structures. Since it does involve a repression of individuality. And hypocrisy. And deception.
There is a power within us that resists this conformity.
Are we afraid of it?
Sometimes, life seems to be without a center...
But is that really true?
Without a center, nothing could sustain...
Without a center, there is no escape from the gyrations of the mind...
