To realize that you are utterly alone brings out great fear.
When you look around and see all beings in relationships, whereas you are walking alone, it brings a sense of great despair and fear. And a longing for starting a family.
A deep sense of loss is felt. For the world which will vanish one day. To deal with this loss brings out great fear.
Is there a refuge? Is there God?
Sometimes, one has to have faith in God. Because our limited individual perception is invariably contaminated. Seek refuge in the Mind of God. The limited personal mind is contaminated with countless fears and perversions. Our personal desires and preferences are invariably destructive of peace.
This seeking mind of ours surely moves only in the direction of its own destruction. Seek refuge therefore in the indestructible. The Pure Mind. Which knows only truth. And is absolutely at Peace.
The personal mind endlessly throws up countless desires. All seeking their own fulfillment. Which one should be pursued? And all desires followed by the shadow of fear of their unfulfillment. What does an individual mind do? Even self effort seems trivial. So small is the personal mind and so full of impurity and density. All our past efforts seem to be destroyed by one unthinking act. Truly, the limited mind is not to be trusted.
Filled with doubts and despair, it seems like this entire life has been for naught. Why was a I ever born? Was it to only suffer? Confusion prevails all around. Should I get married or not? How come there is no definite answer to the most important questions in life? What ultimately matters? Do we even need to seek happiness? How little and trivial are our acts. How numerous our fears. How limited our abilities. How limited our knowledge.
What should be done? Why is there no answer? What exactly is this world? Why should I stay alive? Why is there confusion? Why is there despair? The effort to be aware leads only to more thoughts. Overcoming inertia is a constant struggle. Hatred of others forever present. This small mind forever discontent. Truly there is nothing you can do but play along. But why play? Not knowing is torture.
Confusion is actually the source of despair. Inability to handle the truth also leads to despair. When you are alone with no work to do, the mind is constantly tormented by one question, "What to do now"? The question, "What should I do now"? seems to be the one keeping the mind active. Constantly being asked in the background. To stop answering the question is to invite death. Hence the constant stress of coming up with endless answers to this one eternal question. The mind is too powerful. This question is the fuel for the mind. To end this question is to end the mind.
Activity is the very foundation of the world. The question 'What should I do now' is the very foundation of activity. Peace is experience only in those moments when the question is absent. This happens in the interval between tasks. Or in the course of a journey whose destination is not reached. Once the destination is reached, the question comes up again resulting in the arising of anxiety. Ceaseless anxiety comes from trying to ceaselessly trying to answer this question all your life. Holidays are ruined. Despair also comes from non action and also wrong action. The fear of choosing wrong action torments the mind.
Ultimately one realizes, intellectually at first, that the only sane answer is to sit still until death. Until the death of the question. Once the question dies, peace is permanent. As long as the possibility of action exists, so long the question will exist. Hence the importance of routine. Of family life. Having a routine and family life keeps the question at bay and hence results in peace. Having an uncontrolled life only increases the intensity of the question. Leading to destruction. To eat anytime, work anytime etc. torments the mind. One has to control the mind first. This is where self effort comes into play. An uncontrolled mind is tormenting. One who is single is constantly tormented by the question, "Should I marry?" and "Whom should I marry?". The answer, "I will not marry" will not end the anxiety unless there is external commitment like the life of a monk. Because as long as the option of marriage exists, anxiety will exist. Either get married and end the question or commit to remaining single externally and end the question. Keeping options open will only torment you. This question and also the question of 'Which career to pursue?' keeps misery alive.
Oh my God, I am stuck. Horribly stuck. I don't know what to do. And Not knowing keeps the question alive.
Have mercy on me O Lord. Please destroy the question. I have been completely overpowered by the mind. And now all I see is darkness. Restlessness is the very nature of the mind. No conviction can arise here.
When you look around and see all beings in relationships, whereas you are walking alone, it brings a sense of great despair and fear. And a longing for starting a family.
A deep sense of loss is felt. For the world which will vanish one day. To deal with this loss brings out great fear.
Is there a refuge? Is there God?
Sometimes, one has to have faith in God. Because our limited individual perception is invariably contaminated. Seek refuge in the Mind of God. The limited personal mind is contaminated with countless fears and perversions. Our personal desires and preferences are invariably destructive of peace.
This seeking mind of ours surely moves only in the direction of its own destruction. Seek refuge therefore in the indestructible. The Pure Mind. Which knows only truth. And is absolutely at Peace.
The personal mind endlessly throws up countless desires. All seeking their own fulfillment. Which one should be pursued? And all desires followed by the shadow of fear of their unfulfillment. What does an individual mind do? Even self effort seems trivial. So small is the personal mind and so full of impurity and density. All our past efforts seem to be destroyed by one unthinking act. Truly, the limited mind is not to be trusted.
Filled with doubts and despair, it seems like this entire life has been for naught. Why was a I ever born? Was it to only suffer? Confusion prevails all around. Should I get married or not? How come there is no definite answer to the most important questions in life? What ultimately matters? Do we even need to seek happiness? How little and trivial are our acts. How numerous our fears. How limited our abilities. How limited our knowledge.
What should be done? Why is there no answer? What exactly is this world? Why should I stay alive? Why is there confusion? Why is there despair? The effort to be aware leads only to more thoughts. Overcoming inertia is a constant struggle. Hatred of others forever present. This small mind forever discontent. Truly there is nothing you can do but play along. But why play? Not knowing is torture.
Confusion is actually the source of despair. Inability to handle the truth also leads to despair. When you are alone with no work to do, the mind is constantly tormented by one question, "What to do now"? The question, "What should I do now"? seems to be the one keeping the mind active. Constantly being asked in the background. To stop answering the question is to invite death. Hence the constant stress of coming up with endless answers to this one eternal question. The mind is too powerful. This question is the fuel for the mind. To end this question is to end the mind.
Activity is the very foundation of the world. The question 'What should I do now' is the very foundation of activity. Peace is experience only in those moments when the question is absent. This happens in the interval between tasks. Or in the course of a journey whose destination is not reached. Once the destination is reached, the question comes up again resulting in the arising of anxiety. Ceaseless anxiety comes from trying to ceaselessly trying to answer this question all your life. Holidays are ruined. Despair also comes from non action and also wrong action. The fear of choosing wrong action torments the mind.
Ultimately one realizes, intellectually at first, that the only sane answer is to sit still until death. Until the death of the question. Once the question dies, peace is permanent. As long as the possibility of action exists, so long the question will exist. Hence the importance of routine. Of family life. Having a routine and family life keeps the question at bay and hence results in peace. Having an uncontrolled life only increases the intensity of the question. Leading to destruction. To eat anytime, work anytime etc. torments the mind. One has to control the mind first. This is where self effort comes into play. An uncontrolled mind is tormenting. One who is single is constantly tormented by the question, "Should I marry?" and "Whom should I marry?". The answer, "I will not marry" will not end the anxiety unless there is external commitment like the life of a monk. Because as long as the option of marriage exists, anxiety will exist. Either get married and end the question or commit to remaining single externally and end the question. Keeping options open will only torment you. This question and also the question of 'Which career to pursue?' keeps misery alive.
Oh my God, I am stuck. Horribly stuck. I don't know what to do. And Not knowing keeps the question alive.
Have mercy on me O Lord. Please destroy the question. I have been completely overpowered by the mind. And now all I see is darkness. Restlessness is the very nature of the mind. No conviction can arise here.
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