Life panaroma!!

My biggest weakness is my tendency towards inaction, laziness, idleness and escapism.
This tendency has created false beliefs.
In order to justify these tendencies, I have had to create false beliefs about the myself and my relation to the world.

This tendency is very strong and there is always a fear lurking underneath because of this.
The fear is that this tendency will result in failure, humiliation and death.

As I see it, activity cannot be avoided. One must be apparently active to live in this apparent world.
The question then becomes what activity is to be done and what is to be avoided?
Drowning oneself in activity is no cure for this.

Thus natural activities, duties and responsibilities must be engaged. One must be very clear as to what one is supposed to do and what one is supposed to avoid. The activities and duties which cannot be avoided must be engaged in. The main thing is to realize what needs to be done and what needs to be avoided.

Unfinished activity is the source of great stress. Either throw it away or get it done. No point dangling in between.

Right now, first worldly priority is to complete unfinished projects and to avoid starting new ones. Do not begin new projects as it will only increase stress.

The most important part is to be transparent with the boss. Let him know what you are doing even if you think that it is of no direct benefit to you. This will avoid a lot of unnecessary misery. Being transparent frees up a lot of inner space. Although it might seem a little difficult at first. And it avoids misery. This means being honest even about your lack of progress. Truthfulness and transparency in worldly dealings brings great inner peace. Lack of transparency only promotes misery. Also be transparent with colleagues about your transparency with the boss. Be transparent with everyone. Hiding something brings heaviness. Transparency itself is freedom. Truthfulness and integrity should be the first priority in worldly matters.

Never regret telling the truth. Make it a habit. Truth, courage and clarity are companions. And so are deceit, malice and misery. Whom do you want to interact with. I have tried to be deceitful and I have been malicious and I have experienced misery. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with the world. This alone is important. More than success and failure. To deceive the world is to deceive the self. Be honest with everyone. Honesty is the best policy. Even if it means failure. It is better to be an honest failure rather than a deceitful success. You may be a failure all your life. You might even turn up being an idler and an escapist. But do not be a liar. This is most important. Be true to who you are. Be true with the world. Whatever the consequences.

Let me be a little true here:

I have been a malicious person. I have had malice in me all my life. I have always hated it when other people have succeeded. I have hated other people for having a life of ease. I have been deeply envious of those around me for some or the other reason. I have sometimes even hated my parents and my family. Above all, I have hated this world and have hated my life and hated other people. I have tried to deceive the world by pretending to like it, pretending to be friends with other people and pretending that I have a good life. There is such strong malice within that everything that I have touched in my life has been touched by this malice. And I have desired to control everyone so that I can control their life and make their lives full of misery just like mine. I have never really understood how it is possible to genuinely love another person. I have only hated and desired to cause pain and misery to others. I have mentally been living like a virus. My existence has never been good for the world. So, this malice in me is because I have always felt misery. And I have never really related emotionally with another person. Afraid that this malice might be revealed. This has caused me to live a deceitful life always pretending and faking. Never really authentic. I have never been an authentic person in my life. And my biggest fear is that other people will go ahead and I will be left behind and no one would even care.

And spirituality then became a drug. I found my escape here. With all the talk about awareness and duality and the unreality of the world. The truth is this. I am terrified of this world. I am terrified of who I have become. And I have no idea what to do anymore. A deep dread fills my whole being. And I am afraid that no one will ever see me. See into who I really am. Above all, I feel that I am completely helpless to change myself.

So there, that is the truth about who I am. Who this person is and what he deals with. I have found that words are futile to effect change. Unless there is intense desire for change, it will not happen. To act is an act of faith. To act and be true to who you are is an act of great faith and courage. The most courageous thing possible is to be completely true to who you are and to live your life as an expression of that truth. Only and only this matters. All else including spirituality, religion, awareness and God is secondary. Realize who you are and act it out without any apologies whatsoever. To the point of death!!!!!

Existence

We live our lives. We interact with other people and we experience our selves.
We spend a large portion of our lives in thought. We think mostly about our experiences, about our actions and about how others perceive our actions. Mostly we are trapped in the confines of our thought about how other people perceive us. Our relationships take up a lot of our thought energy.

Even when we are alone by ourselves, we think about relationships and our actions. But when death is near, what really matters. Ultimately it is our own existence that is our fundamental concern. Somehow, we live our lives believing that by maintaining good relationships, we are somehow ensuring our own comfortable existence.

If I can have a comfortable existence without any relationship then what.
Relationships lose their meaning.
Our own existence is always our first concern.
If our existence is threatened, all relationships lose their meaning.

Our own existence is always most valuable.
Existence is the only priority.
If existence is guaranteed, nothing else matters.
Everything else is secondary.

What is it that fundamentally matters?
Living a life of maintaining relationships is a tremendous waste of energy.
Immerse deeply into your own existence.
This alone matters.

Relationship

No matter what, relationships are bound to fail.
Someone does not meet another's expectations and there is disharmony. And then misery.

Human relationships are extremely fragile because all relationships are based on the mind and the mind is inconsistent. We have to deal with the fact of our own feeble emotions. We will invariably fail to meet other people's expectations. Some relationships will break as a result.

What exactly is relationship?
Sometimes there are cracks in the relationships we really value and consider unbreakable. No area of life has the potential of causing so much unrest as human relationships.

The mind considers someone dear. The same person can be considered by the mind as a nuisance.
Anything which is held by the mind cannot be relied upon or trusted. Any object of the mind is unreliable.

To keep your heart in a relationship is to invite misery.
No relationship is constant. Even the mother can get angry on the child sometimes.
Friends can become enemies.

Relationship can be a source of great joy and also a source of great sorrow.

How can one place one's heart on something so unreliable. This is our core attachment.
Without relationship, there is no purpose. With relationship, there is no peace.
All that one can really do is to go with the flow. Let relationships play themselves, but realize that in your heart, you have absolutely nothing to do with them. True security comes from God and not relationship.
It is in the source of our being that we find true rest.
The source is ultimately all that matters.
Rest here. In the source of being. Let relationships play out. No point resisting them.
Right here in one's own heart is real joy.
True peace can only come from the source and nothing else.

A relationship is ultimately just in the mind. There is no true relationship.
A relationship is just an idea. A very powerful thought.

To value relationship above all else is to subject oneself to constant inner turbulence.

In truth, in the core of your being, there is no relationship.

All relationship is illusory.

Rest in the source of your being. This alone matters.

Existence

Let us proceed rationally.

All this life, I have only known and experienced existence.
I have absolutely no experience of non-existence.
I have no knowledge of non-existence.
I only presume to have an idea of something called 'non-existence'.
'Non-existence' can never be experienced or known.

Everything, every idea, every thought, every memory, every experience, every dream pre-supposes existence. How then can we ever experience non-existence (death).

Thus death (non-existence) cannot be experienced.
We can only experience the 'fear of non-existence'
We cannot experience actual 'non-existence' what ever that might be.

Yet, there are far worse experiences than non-existence.

Right now, at this moment, all that is certain is that 'I exist'
Rather 'Existence is here'

EXISTENCE IS HERE NOW

Everything else can be questioned, including our beliefs and experiences.
But that fact of existence, of consciousness cannot be questioned.

Assume that a state of 'non-existence' exists.
Immediately we see the contradiction.

For 'non-existence' is the only state that cannot exist.
Hence 'non-existence' is non-existent.
But 'fear of non-existence' is existent.

Thus EXISTENCE IS ALL THERE IS.

This is the truth. Now do as you may please, or nothing at all.

The core illusion

The deepest fear is the fear of non-existence.

Non existence is possible only if one leaves this moment right now.
But that is not possible.

There is only one moment.
And that moment is now.
And you are that moment.
That moment never changes.
Hence non-existence is impossible.

Hence the deepest fear is an illusion. The ultimate illusion.
The core illusion is the illusion of non-existence.
Your absence cannot exist.

Existence.
Now.
Truth.
Presence.
Awareness.
Consciousness.
Self.
Spirit.
Love.
I-I
This.
IS
Absolute.

Moment

There has never been another moment.
This One moment has never changed.
I have never lived a second moment in life.

There is only One moment.
You are that.

Love

Love is truly the most powerful force there is.
It can overpower even the realized sage.
It is the most beautiful feeling and also the deepest loss.

Love is truly the only master. I am unworthy of even using these words to describe Love.

That's all that can be said.

Life, love and loss

We are never going to stop being what we are. Yet, life goes on.
Relationships are made.
Then they are broken and new ones are made.
No matter whether the truth is realized or not, you realize that this life itself is the most beautiful thing there is.
There is no final chapter to life. Not even death.
This drama and play of forms will never end. Because it never was real.
Yet it is.
And this is the most beautiful realization.
Inspite of being fundamentally alone, relationships will continue.

Lovers will love.
Enemies will fight.
Mothers will love.
Fathers will protect.

Love will always live on.

In the end, it is love and love alone that lives on. Inspite of every darkness and every malice, love cannot be extinguished. The heart will always keep shining. Death is never the end.

We live and we love and we lose. Only to love again. And the stories never end.

Rejoice my beloved and celebrate. Life will never stop living!

Being alone

It seems as though the most difficult thing in this world is to be alone by yourself.
Every instinct in us is geared towards activity. To come out of our own aloneness.
This urge to come out of ourselves is the cause of all the world.

If we were capable of being truly and completely at peace with ourselves, we would never come out of it.
There is always the mind which drives us outside our fundamental solitude. It creates anxiety, dread, terror and loneliness to bring us out into the world. To be truly alone is the highest virtue. Yet we are always completely alone. No relationship can provide lasting peace. At a fundamental level, you are always alone. Our only difference lies in our response to this fundamental solitude. In that great solitude, you do not exist. It is the void of pure awareness. No person or world can exist here. This is the great fear. And we run back to the comforting story of our illusory lives. At least our existence is acknowledged here!

The void is a source of great comfort in times of suffering. But we would like to deny it in our moments of superficial joy. To go deep into the void is to face our own death. And the death of all our relationships.

But, let us ask ourselves this question - which is it that seems more real?
Our personal story or the great void?
The chaos of our lives or the absolute silence of awareness?

While the waves splash about the shore rejoicing and lamenting and relating, the deep ocean remains unconcerned and alone, immersed within its own depths of absolute silence. Unaware of the existence of the waves. Do you find this scary or liberating? That is finally the only question.

Choice

Choice is an illusion.
You think that you are free to choose your response to circumstances or that you are free to choose your attitude. This is an illusion.
In truth, there is no choice. Choice is an illusion.