You exist only as a force that resists the movement of life.
The tragedy of self-consciousness is that its very existence is maintained only in resistance to the very forces that allow its existence in the first place. It is only through resistance that 'you' as a separate self conscious entity can maintain your sense of self.
The life process in some strange mysterious way allows the arising of self-consciousness, whose very maintenance is possible only through continually resisting the life process. Weird thing.
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