Voidness

What is truly wisdom? No matter how many books or scriptures one pores through. Intellectual and theoretical knowledge is completely bland. It is of no use when the real tests arrive. When there is suffering or some great darkness has enveloped the mind, mere theoretical knowledge is completely useless. What then is of real value? A strategy to avoid suffering is of no use. Instead go deep into suffering and endure it. That itself will result in true knowledge. Knowledge which is part of your being. Mere reading of books is of no use here.

The truth as they say is 'Consciousness is all there is'. But how has knowing this really affected your life?
You find yourself still operating under the same thought patterns. Infact, you find that life is still exactly how it was before the knowledge arrived. Mere intellectual knowing makes absolutely no difference.

What is really the fundamental fear?
It is that if I do not act, if I refuse to be a part of life, I will die...
I fear that I am really incapable of deciding what actions to perform...
i find myself incapable of determining how to live an effective life..
I find myself incompetent...
I have no idea how to live my life...what needs to be done and what needs to be avoided
I am unable to determine the right time for action...
I am unable to determine whether to act on my desires or not to act on them..
I find myself unable to determine which path to choose..
Infact, I find myself completely incompetent in life skills...
I don't know what to do and what to avoid...
I don't know if I am right or wrong...
I find other people living life so smoothly whereas I keep stumbling along...
I find others so bold whereas I am stuck in my fears...
How is life supposed to feel like?
How am I supposed to decide what to do?
I find myself detesting other people
Detesting all whose lives seem so smooth...
What am I supposed to desire
What am I supposed to do
Is happiness the goal of life
Whose advice to follow
Should I hold on or let go?
Should I be working or relaxing?
Having choices is a source of great misery
How does one walk the middle path
Why is life so uncertain?
Why is my knowledge all theoretical?
 I don't know anything..
Should I even be writing this now?
My great tendency is to escape into isolation
Is it good or bad?
Who will answer these questions..
Only I see the thoughts in my head and the countless decisions made every second...
Why am I feeling so full of dread?
Is it only a thought effect?
Why do I feel terrified of isolating myself?
What is this world and who am I?
There is a great fear inside...
Fear of not knowing...
Its terrible, this state...
I feel like I am losing hold of things...
Falling into the void...
That I will fail...
And fall...
In this moment, there exists a great void...an absence
Nothing to do, no one to be with...