Driving emotions and their one ruler

Lets make a note of all conflicting desires driving my actions:

1. Desire for recognition
2. Approval
3. Envy of colleagues
4. Malice towards people
5. Perceived family expectations
6. Fear of failure
7. Fear of humiliation
8. Fear of pain
9. Fear of suffering
10. Fear of poverty
11. Fear of illness
12. Anger towards the indifferent world
13. Anger towards close friends
14. Lust for sex
15. Lust for food
16. Fear of non-performing
17. Joy of aliveness

Basically, there are so many factors driving our choices that it is impossible to predict which emotion will overpower. Unless one becomes conscious. Aware. Awareness is neutral. It does not act nor react. It merely is. Infact it slows down the emotional reactionary mechanism. Stillness of being.

There is only one ruler. That ruler neither acts nor reacts. Neither thinks nor imagines. Neither chooses nor rejects. That is pure awareness. Dwell here. The non doer. The watcher. Pure consciousness. Forever still. Peace lies here.

Let the emotions run the show. Consciousness lies unconcerned. Forever peaceful. The true ruler. The only ruler. The only One. The show is also consciousness, disguised.

The show of life

Our actions are driven by various conflicting emotions. The play of emotions determines our decisions. There is no single decider who makes decisions. Just various conflicting tendencies and emotions interacting and governing our actions.

So then who are you then? Is there no single 'you' who is running the show of your life? If there is a 'you' who is running this you? On what basis does the 'you' decide? It seems as though there is no 'fixed' you running this show. You are the entire panorama in which the show takes place. The panorama is not separate from the show. There is really no one running anything. Only imaginary characters seem to be running an imaginary show.

The play of emotions. The conflict of desires. All of these take place without any director. The Self lies alone as the entire show and its witness. But there are no two things i.e. show and watcher of show. But only the entire panorama without any reason or cause or self.

How very beautiful is this marvelous show with all its love, beauty, despair, anger, frustration, failure, destruction and triumph. So glorious indeed!

I bow down to you.

You!

Life is itself You. There is no you apart from life and no life apart from you.

Only the deluded mind tricks you into believing 'you' as a definite entity distinct from 'not you' or others.

What is, is all there is. It is You!

Overcoming mind misery

A characteristic of the mind is its tendency to repeatedly dwell on trivial issues.
A stray thought arises. And soon it explodes into an avalanche, overcoming even the major issues. It seems as though this trivial thought has completely taken over the mind. No effort on your part seems to help.

This causes misery. When the mind is running, rest is impossible. True rest happens when the mind is still.

Even trivial thoughts can cause the mind to move furiously. Hence it is wise to keep attention always on the awareness. Just be aware of awareness. No matter how difficult or foolish or futile it may seem. Herein lies true healing.

Just this simple awareness being aware. Fuck all other issues, minor or major. You are not in control of anything here.

Only consciousness can confer true peace. Consciousness is peace, health and happiness.

Purpose

I would like to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

Sharing the glory of the One Light that alone shines.

Everything else in life including career is only a means to this one end.

As a result, I would like to have a career which is not very demanding, and provides for ample time for the ultimate purpose.

One option is teaching physics/mathematics (by virtue of training). But somehow develop a technique/means to contribute to the sharing of spiritual awareness.

By the grace of the One Lord, the One alone, may this purpose be fulfilled.

AUM

Final personal desire

The final personal desire is to make love to woman with full awareness. Meditative lovemaking.

After this, only consciousness remains. The true home. No more personal desires remain.

States of mind and their effect

When you are in a positive state of mind, which happens either when something you desire has been attained or by doing good to others, your energy levels automatically rise and you feel liberated.

Conersely, when you are in a negative state of mind, either by not getting something you desire or by doing bad deeds or lying to others, you experience a depletion of energy and inability to perform your work well.

Remaining in a positive frame of mind requires a commitment to truth and non violence and doing good deeds. It purifies the mind and brings vitality. This is a law of nature.

Deception and lying are probably the most damaging acts you perform.

If the only good that you can do in life is to be true to yourself and others, that is a life well lived.