On the peace of the absolute.

Anything that you are aware of is troublesome. When you are sick, you are aware of illness. When you are upset, you are aware of some mental disturbance. One who is aware of the mind is tormented by it. Even being aware of awareness is painful. The only peace lies in absolute unawareness. When there is no awareness, there is only the immensity of infinity. Forever undisturbed.

Life post two months marriage

Life post marriage is not all that great. The key ingredient of love seems missing. And in its absence, suspicion is there. Suspicion of motive. It is very difficult to willingly do something good for someone you don't love. Love is missing in this marriage. And without love, its all just mundane activity. Without love, life itself is one long drag. Ah, how can one sustain oneself without love.

Sometimes, I do consider separation. Its better to live alone than live as a loveless couple.

Not sure how this will turn out...

System complexity and errors

As you increase the complexity of a system, you also increase the frequency of errors. Increase in abstraction comes at a cost of decrease in robustness. Increased complexity leads to more frequent occurrence of errors.

When you increase the complexity of a system, you are basically increasing the number of states and making it more difficult to distinguish between two distinct states. When two distinct states start of overlap, error is created.

A highly complex system is therefore prone to error occurrences.

Worst day again - part 2

Today was one of the bad days again. Caused by confusion of whether to go or not to go for work. Ended up calling in sick. Context is that on the previous day, I was directly informed by a colleague very firmly to not show up for work if unwell (I was coughing and sitting next to him), resulting in leaving work after lunch. Numerous conflicting thoughts resulted in a decision to skip work, which was later intenesly regretted and suffered mentally.

The mind can be vicious, tormenting with thoughts and despairs and dark visions. And when it is doing its thing, it can appear very real.

Fantasy of love

The fantasy of love often seems more enchanting than its reality.

Introverted thinking

My primary mode of operation is introverted thinking. And its not fully reliable. Yes, it helps to keep you fixed to your ruling principle. But the conclusions from introverted thinking are not necessarily true. So, its better that you don't get stuck up in it and learn to be open to the outside world.

Introspection is more like a fabrication and not a reliable means to self knowledge.

Stay alone or in company

Left to our own devices, we would probably self destruct. The decisions that we make or refuse to make often leads to expansion of sorrow and then self hatred, and so on to a reinforcing negative loop.

Okay, lets get personal. I got an invitation from a friend to meet up and I didn't respond, since I wanted to be left alone. The next day I started feeling bad about it and regretting the decision. So, I wonder if it is really better to be left alone vs having some company.

There is no one to tell us what is right or wrong. Only the mind judging a particular decision as good or bad. So, what then is to be done?